Two Boobs Good, Four Boobs Better!

Who says money can't buy you love? By love, I of course mean sex.

A middle-aged traveller is queuing at the dole office to collect his cheque. As usual, he’s getting dirty looks from those around him and so when he finally gets to the top of the queue, he exclaims to the teller:

“Y’know, I’m pissed off collecting dis dole. I hate all dis waitin’ and queuin for a few bob every week, I want to be out earning me own few quid. I’m looking around, tryin as hard as I can but there’s no jobs going anywhere”

“Well actually”, replied the teller, “there’s a position after becoming available just this morning. It would involve chauffering a wealthy old businessman around in his Bentley, usually just to and from the golf course. Oh, and you also be helping him look after his 18 year old daughter. She refuses to stay in the mansion with him and he hates the thought of her being alone, so you would be expected to share the luxury guesthouse with her seven nights a week. I must warn you though, she’s a horny little minx, a proper sex addict. I’d say you’ll have your hands full in more ways than one! The pay is €1600 per week and you would be free to use the Bentley as your own car in your free time.”

The traveller can’t believe his luck, he’s dumbstruck by what has just been told. He stands there, open-mouthed for a few seconds before stuttering “Wh-wha… r-r-r-really?!”

“No”, came the reply, “but since you started the bullshitting, I figured I’d continue.”

This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.

The driver got out… he was a dwarf.

He said, “I’m not happy…”

I replied, “Well, which one are you then?”

A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, “Wife, we’re going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog.”
The wife grimaces, “But I don’t like fishing!”
“Look! We’re going fishing and that’s final.”
“Do I have to go fishing with you… I really don’t want to go!”
“Right I’ll give you three choices… 1, You come fishing with me and the dog… 2, You give me a BLOW JOB…. or 3, you take it up the ass!”
The wife grimaces again, “But I don’t want to do any of those things!”
“Wife I’ve given you three options.. You’ll HAVE to do one of them! I’m going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!”
The wife sits and thinks about it.
Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, “Well! What have you decided? FISHING, BLOW JOB, or ASS?”
The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, “O.K. I’ll give you a blow job!”
“Great!” He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, “Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting… It tastes all shitty!”
“Yes!” says her husband “The dog didn’t want to go fishing either.”