Two Boobs Good, Four Boobs Better!

My wife has a rain fetish.  It makes her wet.

I’m seriously worried about my birthday in a few years time.  Apparently at 40 there’s an 80% chance I’ll kill a child.

I’ve just been sent to prison, so I won’t be having sex for a few months.  I hope.

My wife just gave birth for the first time.  I don’t know who to feel more sorry for, my son for being ginger or my wife for having to bring him up on her own.

My favourite sex position is the Toyota.  I don’t stop no matter how much you scream.

I saw this guy in an Italian restaurant ordering pizza in fluent Italian. The waiter seemed to appreciate his willingness to accept their culture.

So, I tried the same thing in our local Chinese restaurant.

I squinted my eyes and shouted, “Harro! Spesha frah raice prease!” But instead of showing appreciation, they took the upturned prawn-cracker basket from my head and told me to get out.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

The Police

The Police who?

The Metropolitan Police. We’d like to ask you a few questions about a series of sexual attacks on young women in this area could you open the door for us please.

Yeah I didn’t find it particularly funny either.

Looks aren’t everything, but you can’t wank over personality.

I’m a woman, and I’m tired of you all claiming that men are smarter than women.

My husband has finally proven you all wrong.

He texted me just before – “Jane my little blonde bunny I cannot wait to have a night of loving tonight! Hope you’re ready for the best sex you’ve ever had . xxx”

What an idiot. First of all, my name is Sarah, secondly I’m brunette, and thirdly he’s away at a conference tonight!

For an easy adrenalin rush, try eating After-Eight mints at around half past seven.

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