Two Boobs Good, Four Boobs Better!

Converse shoes are awesome.

Their design is timeless and they have a universal recognition both in appearance and in cultural placement.

Whether in classic black and white, or red and white, you instantly know what they are when you see a pair of them.  What could possibly make them any more incredibly man-tastic?  Flames, bitches.  That’s what.

Love the flames

Yes, you can rub your eyes all you want, but everytime you open them you’ll still be faced with the greatest sight in footwear since the sandal and socks.

I say that because men have unsightly feet and should always have them covered up, even in sandals.  Unlike women who like to tease with a pedicure and painted toes while wearing them.

Yes, the only thing that could make a pair of sandals worn by a sexy pair of women feet at all better would be if they had flames on them.

You know why else they’re awesome to the max?  Because I have a pair of them, that’s why.  I pestered and pestered my woman for a pair of them and then one Christmas morning Santa brought them to me because my woman was going on about “being made a show of” in public.  As if.

Unlike a woman who swoons over a new pair of animal print stilettos and tries to convince you that they’ll go with everything and she’ll wear them everyday and never need another pair of shoes, these bad boys actually deliver.

You can wear them to work, presuming you’re one of the 7 people left with a job.  You can wear it to the dole office, if you want to get your dole cut for making everyone else insanly jealous.  You could wear them to a wedding, tux and all.  You’ll get more bridesmaid boobies than you can shake a shitty stick at.  You could wear them to a funeral and get lots of hot widow tail.

As the priest says:

“Old Jasper would have loved to have been here to witness for himself that magnificent pair of shoes.  Interesting fact, Judas betrayed Jesus because he wanted Jesus’s pair of flame Converse.  Bless you my child.”

Is it possible? They're even more awesome than the first ones

The only thing that could make them better?

How about all black with flames on them?  I know, but try and control your erections for just a minute.

You could be a ninja in shoes like that.  A sweet ass fanny wetting ninja at that.  Samurai or Kill Bills would never come anywhere near you in these shoes.  In fact when battling with some Shaolin Monks who are trying to kung fu your face off, you can just smack them with these ball stompers.  They’d be too busy meditating and trying to get their sandals to combust, so you’d defo get away with it.

Men, you have a duty to fashion.  You don’t want to be worrying about what ever Ronan Keating was pictured wearing in VIP magazine.  You want them to be worrying about what they’ll do when you show up to rock their world in a pair of these.

I’ve been thinking about what could make these any more kick ass, and I don’t think I could do much.  We could put some go faster stripes on them, or a couple of spoilers, but that would be a bit wanky.  Awesome, but wanky.

I have a pair of these and everytime I wear them, other men come up to me in the street and offer me their daughters.  They just want to have these shoes in their house and don’t care that I’ll be doing stuff to their daughters while wearing them.  Because that’s another appropriate time to wear them, during sex.  Sometimes the women will just want to dry hump your foot, but that’s easily dealt with.  Just let them wear them for a minute and they’ll be so slippery that they won’t even mind the discomfort from your massive four incher.  They might even experience the urban myth that is the female orgasm.

Get yourself a pair of these if you can, although you may have to start with a basic pair and work your way up to the maximum level of greatness.

Converse Ireland – Starting at around €50