There are two words in the English language. These two simple words, when put together in the right order can win any argument and prove to the world that while you are indeed an immature man child, you are brilliant at winning a fight and getting the last word. Learned in school, or more to the point, the school yard, this put down trumps anything.
Somebody will always go to “yer face” first, and when that happens, just pull this little gem out of your sleeve and watch as they stutter for a comeback. In fact, it doesn’t even have to be reply to an insult, it can just come out of nowhere when you feel like acting the cunt.
We’ve put together 21 ways to use this timeless classic to your advantage.
Everyday conversation:
1.
“Hello, how are you?”
“How’s yer ma?”
2.
“Do you have the time?”
“It’s time for yer ma”
3.
“What did you get up to last night?”
“Oh, about balls deep, in yer ma”
4.
“What do you want to do later?”
“Yer ma. Twice.”
5.
“What’s that you’re eating?”
“Yer ma”
Try phone a friend, no matter who you'll call you'll get an accurate answer
So as you can see there’s a lot of room for manoeuvre here. Immature as it may be, it’ll entertain you no end in mundane everyday mindless chatter.
As we all know, jobs are hard to come by these days, but if you ever even get to the interview stage, these two magical words can earn you brownie points with the interviewer. If it goes well, you’ll bring the person back to their school days and they’ll smile as you help them reminisce. Or you can do what we once did and end up back on the dole queue…
Interviews
6.
“Hi, how are you?”
“How’s yer ma?”
“I’m sorry?”
“So was yer ma!”
“Are you alright?”
“Is Yer ma is alright”
“Can we just get on with this please?”
“That’s what yer ma says.”
“I have other people waiting to see me.”
“So does yer ma.”
“Look, if you’re not going to take this seriously, then please just leave.”
“That’s what I keep telling yer ma.”
“That’s quite enough.”
“Yer ma never says that. Cos. She’s. A. Slut.”
Humour.
As if this genius way to insult a person wasn’t funny enough, you can use it to further inhance otherwise shitty humour. Behold…
7.
“Knock knock”
“Who’s there? My ma?”
“No, don’t be so juvenile. G’wan, knock knock”
“Alright then, who’s there?”
“Yer ma. HA! Sucker”
“Cunt”
More humour.
I know, right? How much more stuff can you make brillianter with yer ma? Hold on to your nuts.
8.
“Knock knock”
“I’m not doing this with you”
“I swear it’s a real joke, c’mon”
“Nope you’re just going to say something about my ma”
“I won’t, promise.”
“Alright”
“Knock knock”
“Who’s there?”
“Adolf”
“Adolf who?”
“Adolf ball hit me in de mouf and dats why I talk dis way”
“That was shit”
“So’s yer ma”
Riddles.
9.
“What’s black and white and loves cock?”
“Yer ma in a zebra costume”
So there you have it folks, now you can go forth in to the world and let loose the greatest of all put downs and argument winning tools mankind has ever known.
You’re welcome.
We hope you’ll grow to love yer ma as much as we do.
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