Two Boobs Good, Four Boobs Better!

Director:
Dominic Sena (No, we never heard of him either)

Producer:
Jerry (I can make a worse film than Michael Bay, just you watch) Bruckheimer

Screenwriter:
Scott Rosenberg – This gig was kind of a given since he wrote Kangaroo Jack for Jerry

Cast:
Ghost Rider
Lara Croft
Bullet Tooth Tony
Frank Jr that got Pheobe in Friends up the pole
One of Ocean’s 11
Robert, erm Duvall
Evil English Gangsta Carpenter

Story:
Right, so Frank Jr took a job from Evil English Gangsta Carpenter to leave lots of cars up on bricks a la Ballymun, but he nearly gets caught by the poh-leece. So Evil English Gangsta Carpenter tells Ghost Rider that he has to take the job to save his brother, Frank Jr. He doesn’t want to, ooh the inner conflict.

The following is a description of what a local Garda called “Ve-hick-u-lar Pornography”.

So Frank Jr starts off stealing a cock on four wheels known as a Porsche and then does the obligatory thing of showing us that he’s a bigger cock than the car he’s just stolen to make us think he’s always in trouble and a lost cause.
He starts a joyride by chatting up a girl at some red lights and then the poh-leece start chasing him to his hideout.
He and his posse nearly gets busted by the poh-leece so they run to their boss, Evil English Gangsta Carpenter.

In the meantime, Ghost Rider is running a go kart center for the kiddies and one of his old posse comes to see him and tell him that Frank Jr is in trouble with Evil English Gangsta Carpenter. Ghost Rider doesn’t want to back to his old ways of leaving cars up on bricks in Ballymun, but he might not have a choice. What a story.

Back at the Evil English Gangsta Carpenter’s hideout, Frank Jr has got him really pissed off and finds himself in a car crusher like in Superman 3. Remember that with the weird evil twin Superman? Just like that. Frank Jr is about to be brown bread when big bro Ghost Rider shows up to save the day.

Conversation goes like this:

Evil English Gangsta Carpenter – “I want some totally rad cars, man”

Ghost Rider – “I hear ya dude, just can’t help”

Evil English Gangsta Carpenter – “I’ll have to crush your bro to the max, then”

Frank Jr – “Those is funny jokes, man. Ha ha ha”

Evil English Gangsta Carpenter – “Quiet you.”

Ghost Rider – “I promised so many people I’d never leave cars up on bricks in Ballymun.”

Evil English Gangsta Carpenter – “Hairy muff, your bro get’s crushed”

Frank Jr – “Yo man, aw dude, I just pissed myself”

Evil English Gangsta Carpenter – “Oi, less gushin’, more crushin asshole”

Frank Jr – “Agh, mammy”

Ghost Rider – “Fine I’ll do it”

Evil English Gangsta Carpenter – “Of course you will, what would we have done, called the film “Prematurely over in 12 minutes?”"

Frank Jr – “Thank fuck for that”

Evil English Gangsta Carpenter – “So that’ll be 50 top cars in 4 days or I’ll pop a cap in all y’all asses”

So back at Frank Jr’s place and he’s all like, “Yo bro, I ‘preciate your help and all and anyways, but I got this covered. I’ll drop him over a few Almeras and the odd Peugeot and it’ll be grand”. But Ghost Rider gets all serious in the only way he knows how and is like “No, you won’t”.

Sorted.

Wait, no it’s not.