I can’t wait until it rains!
Free Volvic!
My new girlfriend has a pierced clitoris with a diamond stud in it.
Posh cunt.
My friends invited me to a gay bar last night. When I walked in the music was booming… I couldn’t even think straight!
I was having dinner with MC Hammer and Chico last night when I asked if anyone had the time.
It was absolute carnage.
Peter Griffin doesn’t look so stupid now with his volcano insurance!
I hate it when I hear someone joke about the Holocaust. It’s just so wrong.
Anne Frankly, I won’t stand for it.
A girl just walked past me who was so pretty I forgot to look at her tits.
Sky News: “Emergency services were afraid they could be swamped by a torrent of melted ice.”
I believe the technical term is “water”.
Watching the Weakest Link with my flat mates, when one of them says “See if Anne Robinson was 60 years younger, I wouldn’t say no.”
I said, “She’s only about 65 though” and he replied “Exactly.”
I really need to move.
I broke up with my girlfriend today, she asked me if its really over. I told her it couldn’t be more over if she started singing.
What do you get if you put the head of a horse on the body of Leona Lewis?
Leona Lewis.
My Grandad never talks about his time fighting in WWII.
He was shot by a German sniper in 1943 and died instantly.
If I had a euro for everytime someone said I didn’t pay attention I have absolutely no fucking idea how much I’d have at all.
My friend asked me the other day “Mate, does your penis touch your belly button?”
I told him my belly button doesn’t wanna talk about it.
My wife forced me to have gay sex last night.
Scented candles, heated massage oils, you know the kind of thing.
Via Sickipedia
ah here, its a bit early for volcano jokes…. would ye wait for the dust to settle!!