Nothing is more manly than a head full of useless information. It’s used to break the silence in an awkward first date with that stripper you convinced that you were hung like a female Russian bodybuilder with the wealth of Bill Gates’s's’s's scrotum. It can be used to spark lively and entertaining man conversation down the pub, and if you have a website dedicated to all things manly you’ll forever be revered as a genius when you publish them and share your manly knowledge and women will want you to touch them in their underwear regions. Probably.
And seeing as today is the day when men, women and children will burn out in sugar crashes all over the country and wake up with a mother cunt of a sugar induced hangover tomorrow, here are your man facts on ….
Chocolate.
Here are some true facts about chocolate.
Aztec emperor Montezuma drank 50 golden goblets of hot chocolate every day. It was thick, dyed red and flavoured with chilli peppers.
German chocolate cake did not originate in Germany. In 1852, Sam German developed a sweet baking bar for Baker’s Chocolate Co. The product was named in honor of him — Baker’s German’s Sweet Chocolate.
The average chocolate bar in the U.S. contains 8 insect pieces. “The Food Defect Action Levels”, a book published by the U.S. Department of Health, lists unavoidable food defects allowed by FDA – like bug parts.
Chocolate has four times more of the same antioxidants found in tea. antioxidants neutralize free radicals that can cause cell damage.
Chocolate can ease a cough. It contains Theo-bromine which suppresses activity in the vagus nerve which causes coughing.
The Swiss eat the most chocolate. The average person eats 19lbs a year.
In 1842 Cadbury’s in England created the worlds first chocolate bar.
And while we’re on about Cadbury’s, here’s a few about the Creme Egg:
Cadbury introduced its first creme-filled egg in 1923, but the brand we know & love today was not launched until 1971.
Over 300 million Creme Eggs are made each year.
The Cadbury Creme Egg plant at Bournville UK can produce more than 1.5 million eggs per day.
53% of people bite off the top, lick out the ‘creme’ then eat the chocolate.
20% just bite straight through.
16% use their finger to scoop out the ‘creme’.
And here are a few facts about chocolate that we wish were true:
Lots of women say that they’d prefer chocolate to sex, so next time you’re chatting up a girl and it looks like you’re losing it, tell her your whole nuts are covered in smooth milk chocolate. It’ll work, guaranteed.
Chocolate is actually illegal, just like cocaine, Panda porn and the female orgasm.
We invented porthole for a submarine and brought it to Dragon’s Den, but were told it was as useful as a chocolate teapot, so we didn’t even bother showing them our other invention. The chocolate teapot.
The Irish word for chocolate is seacláid. The literal translation is “unholy protestant demon shit brought over by the English during the famine to really fuck us off”, but it was designed to sound a little like chocolate, so they’ll never know.
And just because…..
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