We’ve all been sat in that meeting or even out for a pint and had one of these things said to us. Maybe you’ve uttered these bile inducing phrases yourself, and if you have you know who you are and deserve to be taken out and sold to a cult that worships Jedward.
Behold:
“I’ll call you in the PM” – small pricked wanker.
“I Like” – Unfunny Borat impersonating wanker.
“I’m an alcoholic” – Attention seeking party pooping group therapy wanker.
“A-SAP” – CSI watching wanker.
“Did you see CSI last night?” – No I didn’t you insufferable wanker.
“Let’s have a sing song” – Annoying three chord knowing party ending wanker.
“Going forward” – Responsibility dodging living in fantasy wanker.
“Do you have a minute to talk about….” – Street fundraising no friend having dreadlocked charity robbing wanker.
“Last year while back packing” – Non washing shandy drinking rolly smoking converse wearing dreadlocked wanker who paid for his trip by fund-raising for a charity wanker.
“Let’s touch base” – Just as soon as you’ve stopped touching yourself you self molesting wanker.
“Can you liaise with such and such on that?” – Apprentice wannabe wanking over pictures of Bill Cullen wanker
“I can categorically deny that” – Word of the day using wanker
“OMG”, “LOL”, “WTF” – Keep it for the text messages, you lolcat loving, finger up your bum wanker.
“I’ve like been totally singing/dancing/playing my instrument since I was like a foetus” – Lonely on the inside just wants to be loved by Simon Cowell and then fuck us off on some gormless talent show wanker.
“I’m just mad, I am” – Unfunny loud and most probably ginger wanker.
“Someone think of the children” – Joe Duffy bothering head shop doorway squatting ignoring the real issues of the country wanker.
I’m sure there are more, what have wankers said to you?
“I’m happy-out” – Culchie wanker