This new “in private” browsing mode in Internet Explorer is rubbish. Everyone in the internet cafe can still see me wanking.
I was watching porn with the missus and she complained “This is so unrealistic.”
I said, “Just because you’re unwilling to try new things, doesn’t mean everyone’s that frigid.”
“Not that,” she explained, “It’s just the plumbers that come to our house have tiny cocks.”
First my wife said she’d lost her lipstick, then she couldn’t find her mascara and now she’s looking for her blusher.
I wish she’d mind her fucking makeup.
My wife told me that if I could make her come five times with my tongue then she would let me fuck her up the arse.
I’ve just called her in from the kitchen for the third time and the silly cunt still hasn’t twigged.
Me and the wife’s marriage has been on the rocks ever since we moved into our new lighthouse.
My wife said to me, “I’ve just heard some great news, apparently the police know who the local paedophile is and they are going to arrest him tonight.”
I said, “That’s brilliant news. Let’s celebrate by moving to Australia.”
I love it when the ice cream van starts coming round – I can see what’s on offer for the long summer months.
And which of them can deep throat a Mini Milk.
I stopped at a service station and asked the cashier at the window for a Galaxy. She came back with a Milky Way.
Fucking smart arse.
‘Mystery of bullet found in head’
I’m no expert but I think it might have been put there via some sort of gun.
I walked into a shop and bought a bottle of baby oil, a pack of condoms, a bottle of value vodka and a pack of Haribo. The lady said, “Look, I’m sorry but I just can’t serve you that, I’m calling the police.”
I raged at her, “Just because I order these items, doesn’t mean you have to jump to the worst conclusions!”
She calmly replied, “Actually, I’m afraid we do Mr Glitter.”
How does Stephen Hawking close his windows?
Alt + F4
MSN News: “Ethiopia’s oldest living person dies” … on average every 45 minutes.
I booked an Asian prostitute last night, but she arrived two hours late.
She loved me wrong time.
My Asian girlfriend says I grow impressive herbs.
She love me long thyme.
All day I’ve been pretending I’m different types of wood.
I’m board now.
Via email and Sickipedia
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Instead of putting this list of jokes on this webpage, why don’t you just link straight to the Sickipedia website, since that is where all of these jokes originated. The least you could have done is referenced where you took them from. It’s not big or clever.
We did reference them, as we always do, and some of them came in from emails. How observant of you.