It’s amazing, these people on the bus actually think I’m being thoughtful by letting them off first…
…when I’m really buying some time to hide this unwanted erection.
I travelled to Japan last year and got myself a discount prostitute.
She loved me moderate time.
My wife just ran off with my new best friend.
I have not met him yet, but I can’t wait to shake his hand.
My dog can lick his own balls.
I don’t care how much he makes those puppy dog eyes at me.
BBC News: Nigerian President Umaru Yar’Adua has died after an illness.
I was devastated to hear this. He was supposed to be paying me thirty-four million pounds tomorrow.
In an attempt to use sex to encourage me to do some jobs in and around the house, my wife walked up to me and said,
“I’ll make you a deal… you go outside and cut the hedges, and I’ll shave my pussy.”
I replied, “Don’t be stupid. We can’t both use the hedge trimmer at once.”
Carlsberg don’t do fat, ugly, vulnerable birds who are getting more and more desperate by the second in the realization that they’ll be going home alone tonight, unlike all of her friends,
But I do.
I clicked on a link saying ‘Bald and Barely Legal’ yesterday. Unzipping and firming up, I waited for the page to load.
It was a Department of Transport website about car tyres.
I was alarming holiday goers on a nudist beach, walking around with an erection.
One woman said; “Won’t you think of the children?”
I said “That’s the fucking problem in the first place.”
I was hanging around a playground yesterday. Apparently I was arousing suspicion.
Stupid name, I know. But she’s got a nice arse.
I’ve started calling my wife “Batwoman”
She’s not superhuman or sexy, she’s just been hanging from the ceiling for a while.
I was teaching my son how to high-five earlier.
….whilst we were spit roasting his sister.
Via Sickipedia
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