Nothing is more manly than a head full of useless information. It’s used to break the silence in an awkward first date with that stripper you convinced that you were hung like an emo teenager who’s finally gotten the courage to stop whinging and just get it over with, with the wealth of his parents after they cash in the finally dead emo insurance. It can be used to spark lively and entertaining man conversation down the pub, and if you have a website dedicated to all things manly you’ll forever be revered as a genius when you publish them and share your manly knowledge and women will want you to touch them in their underwear regions. Probably.
Now I don’t know why we didn’t go for this one to begin with, after all boobs are the best things ever. If it wasn’t for boobs, we wouldn’t be here. Yer ma’s boobs were the reason yer da gave her a portion, probably while drunk and it’s why you’re sitting here reading this. Fact.
Let’s start with some true facts about BOOOOOOOOOOBS!
The late French porn star Lolo Ferrari is credited as having the world’s largest breast implants. During her lifetime, she had 22 surgeries to make her breasts 73 inches round!
A study supposedly published in the New England Journal of Medicine said that staring at women’s breasts for just 10 minutes a day can improve a man’s health and add four to five years to his life. The German study was carried out by a certain Dr. Karyn Weatherby who said that ogling at busty beauties is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics workout. She said this gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation, cutting the risk of stroke and heart attack by half!
The Milky Way Galaxy is so named because the ancient Greeks thought it was made from drops of milk from the breasts of the Greek goddess Hera.
A survey made by bra maker Triumph found that British women have the biggest boobs in Europe. More than half the women in that country wear a size D cup or larger. Denmark scored second while Holland was third. On the other hand, Italian women had the smallest breasts where 68 percent had a size B, the same survey said. But don’t lose hope. Researchers said breast size has been increasing in the Western world for the past 10 – 15 years.
In Hong Kong, you can get a degree in Bra Studies from the Hong Kong Polytechnic University where they teach you how to design and build a bra. Recently, the students exhibited their designs at the ACE Style Institute of Intimate Apparel at the ITC Resource Centre.
Ladies, the skin surrounding the breasts needs special care. It’s thin. You should moisturize with a firming cream that stimulates collagen and elastin growth as well as UV protection (and retinol). This will help prevent wrinkling. Your nipples can get dry so use an emollient like Vaseline on them daily. If at any time you need help with said application, don’t you fucking dare hesitate in asking me.
Some facts about BOOOOOOOOOBS that we wish were true:
Bras offer no more support than a tight white, see through wet t-shirt. In fact we’re pretty sure that bras cause herpes. Ladies, stop wearing them.
Men are obsessed with boobs, because ever since we were just babies, they’ve been the center of our worlds. We’d get hungry and cry out until one was put in our mouth, then when our mouths and stomachs were filled with the warming goodness, we’d be happy as a pig in shit. We’re hoping this is not the same reasoning behind our gay mate Dave’s love of penis.
I once motorboated a woman who was totally out of my league. It was awesome and I got an instant tingle in my winky. I lost control though and dribbled a bit. She stopped answering her phone after that. Actually it wasn’t the dribbling that put her off, it was the fact that she woke up to me doing it to her while she struggled gagged and bound to a chair.
It’s not just boobs that make a woman sexy. Personality, charm, intelligence are all things that a woman must have if they haven’t got nice jubblies. Or a rich daddy who’ll buy them for her, and a car for us.
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