Two Boobs Good, Four Boobs Better!

What’s hot

Hot

Discount shops

What’s that?  A tray of Coke for €7?  24 rolls of Charmin bog roll for a fiver?  That and a three pack of pringles for two squids?  Left over Jedward Easter eggs for 50 cents?  Score.  I’ll never have to pay hiked up supermarket prices for catering packs of 200 rashers again.  Fuck you recession.

Watching a happy kid fall on their face

Yeah, you’re laughing now just thinking about it.  There’s nothing that makes your heart fill up with the love of life than watching a chocolate covered snot factory toddle along ignoring their parents, only to see them trip over their lace and land square on their nose.  I like to place bets with myself to see how long it takes to go from lip tremble to face scrunch to full on soul piercing squeal.

Pork Pies

These tasty little feckers are the best thing to do with minced up pork bits.  They’re tastier than Heaven’s vagina and twice the calories.  But we’re men and men don’t worry about calories, cos we’ll burn them off waddling to the shop to get more pork pies.

Adrenaline rushes

Nothing is better than an adrenaline rush.  Stepping out without looking and nearly getting decapitated by a bus.  Nearly landing on your nuts while getting out of the shower and getting your balance back at the last minute.  Thinking you’ve been caught outside the window of the hottie next door through the hole you’ve drilled in her bedroom wall.

Got milk?

Love Irish Boobs

We want Irish boobs.  You can help us HERE.  The missus helped us out in a way, by making us Boobie Cookies.  They’re tasty and all, but we still prefer the real thing.

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What’s not

That's not

Ginger kids

One reason, if ever there was one, to get the snip.  Genetics are a funny thing altogether, something that we don’t even begin to think we understand.  All we know that it’s our rotten fucking luck that would land us with a ginger kid.  Ah jaysis I’m giving meself the shivers.

Exams

Oh hurry up and just give us our results so that we can go out into the world and join the dole queues with everyone else.  Who are you to decide whether or not we get our degrees anyway?  You’re just failing us because you ended up teaching, aren’t you?  Yeah, porn lied to you, none of your students wanted to do you.  They’re too busy doing us and missing they’re studying and failing exams.  Score for us.

This whole head shop business

Showing the world that Ireland isn’t run by the government, but the listeners of a self righteous DJ and his curtain twitching listeners.  It’s amazing that the ogre of a Health minister we have bows to the cries of a minority on legal highs, but stone walls an entire country who demanded she distribute the cervical cancer vaccine.  You horrible chain smoking, morbidly obese, must have some amount of shite on everyone in government to still have a job cunt.  You’re a health minister, throw on a Nicorette patch, hop on the treadmill, put the fork down and do something to actually justify your enormous salary, instead of this smoke screen shit.  Have we called you a cunt yet?  Well you are, just in case you missed it.  Cunt.

Oh, and drugs are bad, m’kay?

Hey, who put this soap box here?