A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled clothes: ‘USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!’
She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the following week she enclosed another note: ‘USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!’
The Chinese laundryman became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry was delivered, it contained a note from him: ‘I USE PLENTY SOAP ON PANTIES!!! USE MORE PAPER ON ASS!!’
From Paul via email
A pirate walks in a bar wearing a steering wheel on his cock.
The bartender asks him, “do you know you have a steering wheel on your cock.”
To which the pirate exclaims, “aargh… its driving me nuts.”
From anon via email
A guy comes home from work and finds his girlfriend on their bed, crying.
He asks his girlfriend “what’s wrong?”
She looks at him and says in disgust, “I know the truth about you…” she sobs and continues, “I know
you’re a PAEDOPHILE!”
The man walks up to her and hugs her, then he says “Honey, I’m so proud of you ‘pedophile’ is such a big word for a 10 year old.”
Ciara via text
Two necrophiliacs are at work in the morgue. One of them turns to the other and says,
“You should have seen this woman they brought in last week. They pulled her out of the water after she’d been there for three weeks. Man, I’m tellin’ you, her clit was just like a pickle.”
“What,” the other asks, “green?”.
“No,” says the first, ” a bit sour.”
Dave via email
Man goes to the doctor and says “I’ve got a huge hole in my ass”
The doctors says “drop your pants, bend over and let have a look”. “Fuck me!!” says the doctor ” what could have made a hole as big as that?”
Patient replies I’ve been fucked by an elephant”.
The doctor says “An elephants penis is long and thin, this hole is enormous”.
Patient replies “He fingered me first”.
Rob via email
Three whores decide to see who has the biggest snatch. They get naked, and start fingering themselves and each other.
After a few minutes, the first one squats on a glass top table, and then they measure the slimy outline she leaves.
The second one then squats on the table, and then they measure the slimy outline she leaves, which is even bigger.
The third one squats on the table, but when she stands back up, the first whore says, “You didn’t leave an outline.”
She says, “Smell the rim.”
Sean via email
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of vanilla ice cream and one scoop of dead baby.
Via Sickipedia
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