Two Boobs Good, Four Boobs Better!

What’s hot

Jennifer Ellison

What ever happened to Jennifer?  Once upon a time she was in every lads mag around, and calendars and less than reputable websites that would feature “genuine” nude pictures of her.  Now she’s starring in washing powder adverts trying to understand why another former soap actor has bumped uglies with her sister and her ma.  I’d say it’s to do with the fact that there’s probably a strong family resemblance.  Put it this way, if her brother and her da looked like her, they’d be in trouble too.

Come back Jen!

Holding up queues

Sure, being in a queue that doesn’t move is more frustrating than a screaming hot bisexual nun.  But being the one holding the queue up gives me a horn I could bludgeon a lion and a grizzly bear to death with.

It actually nearly pushes me over the edge to hear sighs from behind when I say “Oh, and while I’m here…”

Rainbows

What’s that?  I can hear Paddy making some kind of homosexual joke right now.  But I’m not talking about the majestic colours and romantic feeling in the air when one appears.  I smile inside thinking about a little leprechaun hiding at the end of it with his crock of gold that he won’t share with anyone, like an Anglo banker.  Then I ponder.  Sure, he’s rich but is he truly happy?

Living in a house made of majestic colours and romantic feelings, who wouldn’t, right?

Pete Versus Life

If you haven’t yet caught onto this gem of a sitcom, you should.  It’s just brilliant.  It’s the best comedy on Channel 4 since Father Ted.  And no, we haven’t been told by some PR company to plug it, I think it’s genuinely mega and have it on a Sky reminder.  You should too.

If you have the time, sit back and catch the entire first episode, HERE.  If you’re not sold I’ll eat my left nut.

What’s not

That fucking Polar bear freezer pervert

We usually give a few different things that are not hot in these things, but there’s just the one this week.

One so mind numbingly cuntish that it deserves to be in the “not” bit all on its own.

Here are a few things I’d do if I found a talking stuffed polar bear in my freezer waiting to berate me for not buying over priced Birdseye products:

• Calmly take him from the freezer and stick him head first into my preheated oven along with my Lidl fish fingers
• Sell him on the Russian black market.  A normal performing bear is one thing, but a talking polar bear with an apparent degree in nutrition?  Gold.
• Rip his fucking head off, turn the cunt inside out and use him for lining in the cat litter tray

A bit much?

I don’t think so.

It’s like the marketing department of Birdseye finally realising that a pedo boat captain isn’t selling us shit.  Then they figure they can just tell us that because we copped on long ago that they sell us shite for the privilege of paying through the nose because of their high advertising budgets just like this and refuse to give them any more money that we’re cunts?

Get ta fuck and then get ta fuck again you horrible sound like a sex pest who’d have his hands down his pants while molesting a bag of frozen peas soon to be extinct thanks to me leaving the water running when I brush my teeth wank bag.

Get ta fuck all over again.

I need some more Jennifer Ellison to cheer me up again.

That’s better.