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Wow!

Words really can’t do justice to the experience myself and Maxi had in Thorpe Park last weekend.  But considering that this is an article on a website, I better try.

The fantastic people at Thorpe Park asked us over to test our manliness on their assortment of gravity defying, vomit inducing rides and rollercoasters.  Now us here in this small island are spoilt with choices of funfairs and amusement parks.  We have Funderland once a year and we have……erm…….well that’s about it.  So both Maxi and I jumped at this opportunity to go to a REAL theme park.

Maxi went over on the Friday and due to work commitments, I was unable to go until the following day.  Much to my amusement, Maxi decided his extra day in London wouldn’t be used to go out on the razz, go clubbing or even get pissed in a genuine cockney boozer.  No, no, no.  Maxi, the editor of my beloved Boob.ie, decided that he would buy tickets to see Les Miserables!! (or as he puts it “Les Mis”).  What a man!!!

So after catching the 1st flight to Heathrow, I hurried to Thorpe Park, eager to get started as early as we could and avoid the queues for the rides due to the fact that it was a Bank Holiday weekend in England.  I had arranged to meet Maxi at 9:30am and I arrived at the park bang on time.  But where was Maxi?  After numerous ignored phonecalls, I finally  contacted him and was informed that he was running late (due to something about Les Mis tickets, I dunno, my gay filter ensured I missed most of the story)   What’s an Irishman to do in such a situation??  I decided to get a bus back to Staines and find the nearest pub and wait.

2 hours and 7 pints later, Maxi arrived and we headed back to Thorpe Park, both excited about the prospect of completely scaring the shit out of ourselves.  As soon as we got there, my excitement turned sharply into absolute terror.  You see these rollercoasters on adverts or on telly and they look pretty intimidating but Jesus Christ, when you are actually stood underneath one of these monstrous contraptions, you better hope you aren’t wearing white trousers.

Thankfully, a mix of adrenaline and alcohol convinced me that it was a good idea to join the queue and get on the 1st ride of the day.

Stealth.

This bad-boy is a ridiculously steep and faeces inducingly high rollercoaster.   I have never been more exhilarated and terrified in my life.

As with most rides in Thorpe Park, It really has to be experienced to be believed.  There is the Nemesis Inferno and Colossus and many many more.  I won’t go into the details of all the rides we went on but you can check them out for yourselves here:  http://www.thorpepark.com/rides

But I would be wrong not to give a special mention to what I feel was the highlight of the trip.  You may have seen the ads on telly.  Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you…..SAW ISLAND!

First to assault my nerves was the Saw Live Action Maze.  I get shitted up by the thoughts of the Ghost Train in Funderland so this should have been a definite no-go for me.  But due to excessive alcohol consumption giving me false courage and the fact that I was not going to be less of a man than our Les Mis loving Maxi who was bounding about like an excited puppy on Viagra, I joined the queue.

First up, it’s not a maze.  It’s a set path and you can’t get lost.  Secondly, it’s absolutely pantwettingly brilliant.  I can’t go into too much detail as the whole experience is about being surprised, shocked and disgusted.  It more than delivered on every count.  It doesn’t last too long but if you are like me, you are kinda glad it’s over and you are back in daylight.

Then there was the reason I wanted to come to Thope Park.  You’ve all probably seen the ads on the telly for it.  If not, check this out :

This was my Everest.  I knew that if I could do this, I could do anything.  Unfortunately, due to the fact that it was a bank holiday and Maxi ensured we were nearly 3 hours late, there was a 2 hour queue.  2 long bloody hours.  To be fair to Thorpe Park though, half way through the long winding queue, they have a concession stand set up to break the monotony.  The only thing that was concerning me though was the fact that I was getting an alarmingly low level of Alcohol in my blood stream and while queueing, you are left looking at the ride and listening to the terrified screams of the punters that were on it.

When we finally got on, we were both giddy with excitement.  And it did not disappoint.  There is no feeling in the world like it.  Shit inducing pitch black drops, completely vertical ascents to the big 100 degree drop, blades twirling around your head and all the while Jigsaw telling you that you are pretty much going to die screaming in a horrible crumpled mess.  It was the best experience I’ve had in a long time.

It’s was pretty pathetic to see the reaction of both me and Maxi afterwards.  We were like giddy kids just laughing uncontrollably and debating whether or not we should queue up again immediately afterwards.  Thankfully, we didn’t as there was so much more to see.

I’m not going to harp on about all the rides but I promise, there is something there for everybody.  It’s not all gut churning rollercoasters.  There are log flumes, hobby horses, various different carnival games, entertainers.  It’s got the whole lot!  Just look at this map!!  http://www.thorpepark.com/plan-your-visit/park-map.aspx

From the biggest adrenaline junkie to the complete pussy, from the tee-totaller to the raging alcoholic and from the Stag Night to the family holiday, Thorpe Park can cater for you all.  We had initially intended to only stay for a few hours but ended up being one of the last to leave.

I implore, nay, I DEMAND that you visit this park as soon as possible.  They are having Fright Night specials on in October so there is plenty of time to book AER LINGUS (not Ryanair) flights and get your accommodation.  I guarantee you will have an experience to remember.

So get over to their website www.thorpepark.com and have a look for yourselves.

Again, we here at boob.ie would like to give our huge thanks to all the staff at Thorpe Park and especially Sarah Morris who made it all possible.  We hope to see you again soon!

P.S.  If Maxi says anything about Cheerleaders and the song Hey Mickey, he is a liar.