Two Boobs Good, Four Boobs Better!

What’s going down amigo’s?

Had a couple of weeks off, was away doing stuff that wouldn’t interest even the most bored of loser, so I won’t go into it.

But I came back from where I was to find that the X Factor had come back to the telly.  I, like all straight men, hate the X Factor.  Apart from the auditions.  However, unlike most straight men I hate football and all things Premiership.  So this time of year when the football starts back to clog up my Saturday afternoon television and fill the pubs with yobs in jerseys while I try and enjoy a pint of the local, I weep for the future mon amis.

The X Factor is even better this year with the auditions filmed in front of a live studio audience just like Cheers was.  It’s a pity that there are no buzzers for the judges to hit when it looks like it’s going tits up, but then again that’s where the epic epicness of epic failures and face palmage comes from.

It’s as if the producers of the X Factor sit outside the stage door of the Jeremy Kyle show and lure the biggest freaks into a van with the promise of a pasty and a can of Carling.

Take the first lot that took my eye as the missus took control of the remote and made me watch the mess.

“Hi, we’re Abby and Lisa”

“Hi, what’s the name of the band?”

“Abby and Lisa!”

Genius.  They look like they were the inspiration for the Little Britain character.

Yur but no but yur but no but yur but no but…

I don’t care which team you support, that’s more entertaining than any highlights from men who haven’t seen a football in over 20 years saying things like “at the end of the day”.

Although I can bet just by looking at those two girls that it wasn’t the first time one of them was on the business end of the other one’s fist.

Moving on…

Of course I missed the whole Mary Byrne thing, but was well informed when I got back.  Don’t know who Mary Byrne is?  You may have heard that she’s the “Irish Susan Boyle”.

Now I’m all for saluting someone with actual talent, but so far the Irish reaction has been laughable.

Here’s a few comments from her videos on Youtube…

“Naomi Campbell was discovered on a till in Tesco’s and look where she ended up!! So here’s hoping Mary has treble the success cause she sure has a million times the talent. Mary you are fantastic, wonderful and surely the net big Diva to hit the music scene. Wishing you all the best xxxxxxx”

“Beautiful job, Mary! Keep going. You have a wonderful voice and a presence to go very far. I hope you win and go on to bless us with many albums! All the best from the USA.

She’s PERFECT for the next James Bond theme.”

And my personal favourite Irish praise from a person who isn’t even fucking Irish…

“Mary, you make all the Irish people very, very proud. I’m not Irish, but I’m really proud I live just around 10km from such a superstar:). All the best, you don’t need to win the competition, you already a winner and I’m sure your career has just started”

And of course one from the blind….

“Stunning+Inspiring woman.”

Like I said, I won’t knock anyone for getting up in front of that amount of people and singing, and singing well.  I’m just never amazed at how Irish people claim credit for someone else, just by association of nationality.

I like her, she reminds me of my aunt and she’s just a normal and seems to be a decent soul.  But I’m not about to gush over her and claim that Ireland is onto a winner.

Still, it’s better than watching football.

After all, if our Mary doesn’t make it through are we going to petition to have her as the 33rd team to take part?

Get ta fuck with your football, tune into the X Factor auditions for a better larf altogether.

Even if it does let fucktards out into the real world…

Fuck and Tard