Two Boobs Good, Four Boobs Better!

Over the last year or so we’ve taken some abuse for the kind of content we’ve featured, but it comes with the territory I suppose.In fact some of the things that have been said are quite funny actually…

“That’s shite”

“Do not want”

and our personal favourite -

“If Boob.ie is Ireland’s most popular website for men, I want a sex change”

Well, as much as we like to think that we bring people closer to their sexuality, we also like to think that we’re always getting better.  But more than that, that we’re better than some of the shite out there.

Especially better than some of the “serious” publications who would rather that we disappeared.

But even more than that we’re proud of the fact that we do all of this because we love to do it, not because we want to become rich and surrounded with naked ladies who want to touch us.  Well we do, but we have to put the work in first!

So it seems a little much that some others will criticise us given the shite they print and publish and have the gawl to charge for.  Or even more worrying is the fact that the same kind of people will turn their nose at us and pay for the shite that’s published.

So each week we’ll take a look at a different publication and turn the tables.

This week, just because the missus was reading it and it spurred me on to create this new series, we’ll start with 100% Irish U Magazine.

So we're not the only ones who use big writing and colours and famous women to promote our content!

“News Round Up”

Right, so apparently the following are news worthy stories:

• Brian McFadden may or may not have lit up a cigarette on a plane and there’s a picture of him smoking.  Brilliant.
• Kim Kardashian is dating a basket ball player who is 6 ft 9, to her 5 ft 2.  Shit, we interrupt this programme to bring you a special bulletin!
• The Beckhams have apparently been approved by the Queen to attend the up coming royal wedding.  Yawn.
• Sarah Harding (Girls Aloud) has died her hair.  OMFG.

We’re currently waiting on a reply from the RTÉ news desk on how they could have missed out on these stories.

“Top Stories”

The Ray Foley / Take Me Out advertorial masquerading as a feature that requires two pages, one of which is taken up by his shit eating face.

They’re not happy over at U Towers because MTV have cancelled another shite reality TV show.

“Irish girl group “Underground” to collaborate with Pitbull and Swagg”.  None of that sentence makes us want to read on.

Some “hilarious” moment of seeing a promo poster of another vomit inducing Ashton Kutcher romcom.

Something about the snorefest that is the Irish version of the Dragon’s Den.

How to bag yourself a Prince.  Right.  We’re not sure why they haven’t linked this back to Take Me Out, surely that’s the first place to look.

“Style Jury”

This is where they look at celebrities and judge them on their fashion choices.

Right, and I’ll bet none of the women behind this mag have ever looked like they got dressed in the dark by a blind ostrich on a night out.

“U Style”

Ah, the fashion segment.  Forever giving out about how “the media” wants women to perceive themselves as size zero’s, they feature a model who looks about 12 years of age and in dire need of a sandwich.  Yet we get accused of promoting an unhealthy body image.  Brilliant.

“U Feature”

The ladies of the magazine tell stories of real life bad dates they’ve had.

We could do this too.  It would involve many stories of women pretending not to be interested in us before drinking our wallets empty and then dragging us back to their place to do them up the wrong ‘un to get back at their bastard ex.

Actually, that’s quite a good date.

“U Reviews”

A guide to TV, movies and DVD’s to rent.

Due Date is their “must see”.  Dear Lord.

“U Lads”

The token male writer of the team who answers the real questions that girls send in.  Judging by the questions asked, it’s no wonder women read this shite in the first place.

“U Sex”

We can show a muff if it's educational.

What a man wants in bed.  By a woman.

Right, like one of us trying to explain where the clitoris is.  Don’t believe everything you read.

Here’s what we want in bed – you, your sister and/or best mate, a jar of Nutella and a taxi waiting to take you all home at the end.  Actually you don’t even need to be there.

.

“U Get my Goat”

Their version of What’s hot and what’s not.  Without the What’s hot bit.

“ATM withdrawals that don’t show up on your internet banking immediately, fooling you into thinking you’re richer than you are.”

Right, let’s go back to school on this.

If Mary has 5 apples and she eats two apples, how many has she got left?

5?

No, 3.

But teacher, the fact that she ate 2 isn’t showing up on her internet statement.

You’re right, who was I to think that internet banking would rule over the fact that some dumb cunt can’t grasp the idea of simple mathematics?

“Accidentally getting drunk in the middle of the week and making a mockery of all your healthy plans”

Getting accidentally drunk?  Accidentally drunk?  What, did that Morgan and Diet Coke fall into you again and again?

Fuck sake.

Try that next time you go down the pub to watch the match with the lads and see if you don’t end up sleeping on the couch when you tell her that you “accidentally” got drunk.

In conclusion

One of the most circulated women’s magazines in the country and it’s full of drivel.  Ok, so it’s not aimed at us but we weep for the people it is aimed at, and who part with their money for it.

Suddenly we feel even better about ourselves.