Two Boobs Good, Four Boobs Better!

So you may recall our list of useful condiments we suggested a few weeks back. Well it’s time to get some of them out, specifically basil, paprika and pepper.

Go to your local meat selling emporium and buy the cheapest minced beef you can locate. The bachelor section (as I like to call it) in Tesco (where they have all the priced-down stuff with yellow stickers) usually has some for next to nothing but minced beef is seldom expensive anyway. Now take your purchase home dumbass.

Open the packet and flatten the mince out a wee bit then liberally but not copiously add the aforementioned condiments. If the pepper makes you sneeze, you’ve gone too far. Like I’ve said before, get your nose in about it – it will inform you when to stop.

Now clean your hands thoroughly and mush it all up together so as the herbs and spices distribute evenly.

Portion the meat out into even amounts and shape into a burger. Wider and flatter is better than thicker and slender. You’re best not to be satisfied with your first attempt as it mightn’t have binded well enough so roll each portion up into a ball again and flatten out again.

You can cook them now if you like but if you have time, bang them in the fridge for a bit on a flat plate or tray and not sticking to each other so as they can bind a bit more.

Once you’re ready to eat, get your pan good and hot and once the oil is fairly sizzly (4-6 minutes), chuck a burger in. It will cook in about 4-5 minutes on one side with the occasional shuffle of the pan to prevent sticking, then turn and repeat.

This should give you a fairly medium to well done burger but if you’re not keen on a bit of blood or pinkness (or your immune system is ghey), then cook for 4-5 minutes longer turning once more each side.

Me, I like to serve my delicious homemade gourmet burger with a slice of bacon, an egg and some blue cheese in a fluffy bap which I have also purchased on my aforementioned trip to the supermarket. But you can put whatever the fuck you like on your burger, that’s what’s so great about them.

Enjoy!

Rafter

Baz