Two Boobs Good, Four Boobs Better!

We have enough fast food franchises and outlets in this country to do us.  In fact we’ve enough to do us, Iceland and Luxembourg combined.  So I don’t think we need a Jack in the Box.  Or at least I didn’t, until I heard about this.

First off, as a chef I hate that you can deep fry anything and make it instantly better.  So when you hear about things like battered Mars bars, and at Christmas battered mince pies, it kind of makes me want to die inside and eat one in equal measure.

But when it comes to bacon, there’s not much you can do to go wrong.

Put it on a burger, epic.

Flavour it with maple, hickory and then with lashings of brown sauce on buttered batch bread.  Mouthgasm.

But in a milkshake?

I don’t know.

Jack in the Box is now serving a Bacon Milkshake. Yes, it’s real, and yes, they are hoping it will cause some sort of bacon-fueled mass hysteria, so it’s “as limited as limited can be.” Denny’s produced a Maple Bacon Sundae for their Baconalia promotion, so it’s not unheard of for a chain to add bacon to dessert, although word on the street is the Jack in the Box shake uses bacon-flavoured syrup and not actual porky goodness.

The shake is part of a new campaign that asks the question: If you like bacon so much, why don’t you marry it? They mean literally: the ad below features a bacon wedding that ends with the oh-so-romantic words “You may eat the bride.”

Yeah, I don’t know, but I am intrigued.

It’s hard to think of a food that isn’t made better with bacon, even a salad becomes brilliant with some crispy bacon bits thrown in.

So here’s a list of food and non-food items we reckon would taste better if they had a bit of an oul pork injection (of flavour):

1.  Medicine.  Fuck a spoonful of sugar.  Whack the medicine in a bacon bap and we’ll eat the shite out of it.

2.  Tofu.  Ever tried it?  It’s a sponge type black hole for flavour, but bacon finds a way to make it edible.

3.  Marmite.  For those of us who love it (and I do from time to time) it needs no improvement.  For those of you who hate it, you wouldn’t if it tasted like bacon.

4.  Penis.  For the ladies.  Ladies, if our pork sword actually tasted like pork there’d be more than fat chicks sniffing round our joy divisions.  Fuck it, I’ll bet if I dipped my balls in bacon grease and went into Coppers on a Sunday night, I’d never make it out alive.

5.  Vagina.  Ladies, peanut butter works for the mutts.  Bacon will work for us.  For some reason I’m thinking that smokey bacon won’t be the way to go here.

That’s all I have, but you get the idea.

Bacon shake Via