Launched in the newly re-opened Lighthouse Cinema in Smithfield (which is a stones throw away from the Jameson Distillery), the beautiful people were out in force and we were treated to music from Dublin band The Minutes and plied with copious amounts of Jameson, which of couse, I drank responsibly, as per all the ads.

Highlights of the 2012 programme were revealed on the night, with special guests confirmed to attend the Festival in February including Al Pacino (Wilde Salomé), Glenn Close (Albert Nobbs), Mark Wahlberg (Contraband), Martin Sheen (Stella Days), Michael Madsen (Jameson Cult Film Club screening of Resevoir Dogs), Kenneth Lonergan (Margaret), Whit Stillman (Damsels in Distress), Marjane Satrapi (Chicken With Plums) and Agnieszka Holland (In Darkness).

The festival will open with a Gala Presentation of Thom Fitzgerald’s comedy Cloudburst, starring one of Ireland’s own Brenda Fricker, and will close with Ian Fitzgibbon’s acclaimed drama Death of a Superhero.   Between these two films, audiences can go on a journey across the world and back, with over 130 films to transport you to another time or place, or to cast an eye back on reality with fascinating documentaries.

For those of you who aren’t aware of the festival, where the hell have you been?   It has been on the go for a decade!!  If you are even remotely interested in film, this is an event that cannot be missed.  The phrase “there’s something for everyone” is bandied about far too often these days, but this is one occasion that justifies the statement.

Regardless of whether you are a fan of independent art-house films, classic golden oldies, thrillers, comedies or anything in-between, there is something in the schedule that  will float your proverbial boat.  With a plethora of films and genres to choose from over the 11 days,  we aren’t saying that every film will be to your taste (there is a film called “Salmon Fishing in Yemin”, so…..yeah!), but you are guaranteed to find at least one film you want to see.

If I had to pick my own personal festival highlights, they would be:

Not our usual titillating attempt, but an actual picture from "Turn me on God dammit"

• the screening of the original (and best) Batman, with Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson instead of Husky Voice and Dead Aussie.
• the screening of the timeless Reservoir Dogs
• the norwegian film called Turn Me on Goddamit (this picture alone piqued my interest)
• the RTE Orchestra performing the songs of Danny Elfman (Batman, Nightmare before Christmas, Beetlejuice etc) in the National Concert Hall

There’s far too many films and events to list here, but you can check all the details out for yourself by downloading the festival guide pdf from the official site , their facebook page and their Twitter.  Tickets for the festival are on sale now and the addresses and opening times for the cinemas involved are below.

If you are interested in film, you owe it to yourself to go and see at least one screening or event this year.  Go on, and tell them Paddy from Boob.ie sent you.

Click here to view the embedded video.

It’s no secret that I know as much about sport as Madonna knows about ageing gracefully.  So I’ll spare you my thoughts on the game.  A wise decision given that I didn’t even watch the fucking thing.

Why?

Because it’s also no secret that I have as much interest in watching sport as Madonna has in returning to the hive for good.

But I did set up the best site this country has to offer, so it’s part of my duty to supply you with some of the sexy videos that come along with such sporting events.

Adriana Lima is a hot model from the Americas (Brazil if I’m not mistaken) and she was hired by a couple of companies to promote their  products during the commercial breaks of the Superbowl.

The first of which that we’ll feature is teleflora.com promoting Valentine’s day by telling us fellas that if we give, we shall receive.  Yeah right, I’ve fallen for that one before.

They should have just called this ad – “Sexy lingerie model puts on lingerie, eye fucks the camera and then wanks you off with an exotic accent”.  Would have been much more accurate.

Cool though.

Click here to view the embedded video.

The next one is for Kia.

It has Adriana in a onesie bikini thingy and has her waving a checkered flag for FIVE FUCKING HOURS.  In the wise words of shitty animatronic Yoda – “Shit not you do I, young grasshopper”.  Or maybe I’m mixing my references up.  You get the idea.

Seriously, 5 hours.  Scroll on, she’s still doing the same thing.

I can’t even imagine how long it took for that to upload to Youtube.

Click here to view the embedded video.

You don’t need to hang on here to watch it, just do what I did and set it to your screen saver so that you’ll always have something awesome on.

Starring: Woody Harrelson, Sigourney Weaver and Ice Cube

Directed by:  Oren Moverman

Release Date: 10^th Feb 2012

Woody Harrelson is probably the most under-rated actors in Hollywood today.  He can turn his hand to all genres and excel in them all.  He has played some of my favourite characters ever commited to celuloid, Mickey Knox in Natural Born Killers and Roy Munson in Kingpin.  He has come a long way from playing the dim but loveable bartender in Cheers.  How will he fare with his role in his most recent film Rampart.

The police are trying to clean up their act and improve their reputation, but this goes against the way that Dave Brown operates.  Randomly beating innocent people and making up charges as he feels like it are just another day on the beat for him.  Things take a dramatic turn for the worse though, when he is caught on tape delivering a savage beatdown to a suspect.  It’s not long before the media are all over this, his police-station is getting inundated with protesters and a member of the District Attorney’s office is forced to examine exactly what is happening in the Rampart precinct.

His home life is no laughing matter either.  He has inexplicably managed to have married  two sisters (Anne Heche & Cynthia Nixon) and fathered a daughter with each of them.  They all live within an arms length of each other in a unusual and very hostile environment.  Dave Brown is unlikeable to the extreme, never mind being unlovable.  This doesn’t stop him trying to bed both ex wives and pick up other random strangers (one of which turns out to be an extremely emotionally unstable Defence Attorney)

The fact that his murky past comes to light adds to the pressure that Dave is under.  Years previous to being caught on film, Dave had killed an alleged rapist and had gotten away with it.  Everyone knows that he did it, but nobody can prove it.  This has led to him being given the nickname “Date-Rape” by his lesbian daughter and colleagues.

All his years in the force he has been used to using any nefarious means at his disposal to get whatever result he wanted.  In his world, this was the only way he knew to do things.  Now he looks to be the perfect scapegoat for everything that is wrong with the LAPD This film tries to capture the downward spiral of a man who has his world taken away from him.

Despite the fact that I have concentrated on Woody Harrelson’s performance in this review (having said that, he is in EVERY scene), there are a ton of fantastic supporting turns in this film.  Sigourney Weaver, Steve Buscemi and Robin Wright deserve special mentions for parts they play but realistically, they are all outshone by Woody Harrelson.

Director Oren Moverman needed to make this as grim and as realistic for this film to succeed and, while he didn’t exactly hit a home run, he has made a really good film.  In certain scenes, there is an undercurrent of dark humour which made me laugh (although I seemed to be the only one in the cinema laughing.  Maybe that says more about me than it does about the film).  There’s also a nice juxtoposition between the brightness of Los Angeles and the dark and seedy exploits of Date Rape Dave.

There are a couple of scenes that could have done without the self indulgent “artistic” camera work, (I hate that in a film) and sometimes the pacing seems a little off kilter, but overall, it’s negatives are outweighed by it’s positives.

If you liked Bad Lieutenant, you will love this.

Pros:  Woody Harrelson’s performance is fantastic, great supporting cast, extremely dark humour.

Cons: May be a bit to grim for some people, some may find it more draining than entertaining.

If This Film Was a Woman It Would Be: Elizabeth Fritzl – Depressing, but you will enjoy it.

8/10

Time Spent Demo 2011

This band was brought to my attention by a friend of mine who, knowing about my love of punk rock, said that I would probably really like these.  Well he wasn’t wrong! Although its only a demo it is still very good.

The band have managed to create lyrics that are easy to relate to and a catchy sound.  Musically it is want you would expect from a punk rock band, loud in-your-face and fast!  Sure the opening track Berkeley St. is less than a minute long but has a great opening riff.  Stand out track, Absent Friends, has a sense of urgency and has a really catchy chorus, as I discovered when I was still singing it the following day after only one listen.

It is obvious that Time Spent draw influence from the likes of Sunny Day Real Estate, Story so Far and The Wonder Years but they manage to put their own spin on the genre and create something that is accessible to fans of these bands yet completely their own.

Iano Kelly (vocalist) has a very unique voice that you will either love or hate while Rob Flynn and Ben Maloney (guitars) play off each other very well creating interesting riffs with a nice balance between rhythm and lead.  It doesn’t seem like anything was forced on the ep, all comes across as very natural.

The band already have the material for the next release written, the date of which is still not set.  Expect to hear more from these on the Dublin punk scene as they have potential.

You can download the E.P. here.  Show them some love on Facebook, here and follow them on Twitter @TimeSpentIRE

Download: The whole lot! Sure it’s free like.

7/10 on the Boobie Meter

First up is…

Review No.16: Buck

After establishing the rules of a good documentary film and then watching one about the fascinating Bill Cunningham I felt harsh scrutinising another doc about a similarly great man the real life horse whisperer Buck Brannaman. The film mainly follows Buck on his tour of America as he teaches people how to properly look after and train their horses something the family from War Horse probably could’ve done with. Buck’s philosophy seems to be that you have to be gentle rather than the forceful with the horses and in one scene he uses a man to demonstrate what happens when he tries to pull on a rope as if he would do with a rope. Though these scenes are interesting because they demonstrate Buck’s demeanour the more interesting stuff is the exploration of his dark childhood namely the abusive he and his brother suffered at the hands of their father following their mother’s death. Luckily they were rescued from the home and put into foster care with Buck eventually being mentored into the life that he now leads. I was also interested in the fact that Buck has a healthy family life with a loving wife and two daughters who he barely sees because of his lifestyle but his younger daughter looks set to follow him into the family business.

There is an interesting message in Buck about a man who spent his childhood being whipped and doesn’t want the same thing to happen to the animals that he tames. Buck himself is a fairly genuine character but isn’t very quirky instead being your typical cowboy with a lot of knowledge and kind nature about him. Though Buck does go over some of the ground to do with his background for the most part Cindy Meehl’s film is about the man and his methods which personally I found a bit tiring after a while. Maybe it’s just because I’m not that interested in horses and how best to treat them but as I mentioned before a good documentary should engross you in the subject. The whole thing though is shot beautifully and captures the American Midwest perfectly with its dusty backdrops and huge expanses of land. I just felt the whole narrative of the piece was a little meandering and there was no real focus on a definite subject apart from the fact that Buck is a famous guy and the inspiration behind that Robert Redford film that was mildly successful. While I really warmed to Buck the man, Buck the film failed to make that much of an impression on me.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Verdict: As I thought it was well-shot and put-together the meandering story of a mild-mannered cowboy gets 6/10

Review No.13: Bill Cunningham New York

In my opinion a great documentary film needs to do two things tell you something about a subject you don’t know about and present these facts in an entertaining way. Thankfully Bill Cunningham New York, which tells the story of the New York Times’ most prolific photographer, does both of those things. I think that us Brits who aren’t part of the fashion culture have probably never heard of Cunningham because I know I certainly haven’t. Following Cunningham on the days leading up to his eightieth birthday he takes on our tour of the streets of New York for his more famous and aptly named column On the Street. Over almost forty years former milliner Cunningham has captured some of the fashion trends of the time and as Vogue editor Anna Wintour tells us everybody gets dressed for Bill and are upset if they don’t get snapped. Bill is someone who is only interested in fashion and sees it as another form of art work using bright colours and styles to express yourself. Similarly when he photographs the socialite world, for his other column Evening hours, he doesn’t focus on the celebrity instead just taking photographs of what these people are wearing often not even being aware of who they are.

The message here seems to be that Bill is of the old New York as we see he is one of the last residents in the apartments at Carnegie Hall which are about to be torn down in favour of new call centres. One of the most fascinating stories of the film is about this Carnegie development and the fact that the new owners of the hall want to focus on making it more of a centre for the arts but at the same time some of the old studios are being torn down in favour of call centres. Cunningham’s eccentric apartment and those of his quirky neighbours are being vanquished which is a shame as they add character to a city which is seemingly becoming more and more bland. Cunningham is a character and he also is also about capturing the characters some of whom serve as talking heads here remincising about when Bill first took their pictures and their relationships with him. The film tries to get to the heart of a very private man who doesn’t reveal too much about his personal life until the final stages and even then he looks fairly awkward. As you can tell I really enjoyed this film I had a couple of minor quibbles in that I felt some parts of the film were repeating themselves and also the captions telling us who the talking heads were was too small so while these characters were all entertaining I didn’t really know who they were. But overall this was a fascinating portrait of a man who shys away from the spotlight and likes to be the one taking the pictures and someone whom I had previously never heard of by someone who’s work I will look into more thoroughly which is a sign that this film is a success.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Verdict: A great documentary film that explores a fascinating character I think I’ll have to award it 8/10

Coming up in this instalment, I’ve got reviews for X – Night of Vengeance, A Dangerous Method, but starting off with…

Review Number 10 – Martha Marcy May Marlene

Occasionally you can spot a star-making performance in a film and that’s what I feel Elizabeth Olsen delivers in drama Martha Marcy May Marlene. (Also the best name for a movie ever – Ed)

Olsen stars as Martha a young woman who we see escaping from a cult as the film begins we then see two stories run simultaneously as Martha tries to reconnect with her estranged sister and that of how Martha became cult member Marcy May and why she wanted to leave. The latter story sees the emotionally vulnerable Martha being manipulated by the charismatic cult leader Patrick who regularly rapes the new girls that come to his commune and then brainwashes them into believing this is the right thing. In the present day Martha struggles to adjust from her life away from Patrick in her sister’s husband’s holiday home she is haunted by visions of her past and is constantly nagged at by sister Lucy who wonders where she has been for the past two years. Things come to a head when we finally learn why Martha left the cult and the whole thing ends on an ambiguous note that I found very frustrating.

And that ending would be my biggest criticism of Martha Marcy May Marlene because the rest of it is absolutely captivating stuff. Olsen’s turn reminds me of a young but more talented Scarlett Johansson as she lets her facial expressions do the talking for her which is the mark of a good actress. She is able to demonstrate a cavalcade of emotions from unsure to confident to disturbed throughout the film and I personally got the idea that Martha was trapped wherever she was. John Hawkes’ Patrick is also a terrifying presence throughout the film he is on one hand very charming but on the other very sinister so even though he’s not on screen as much as the actor deserves his small appearances are always met with trepidation. Sarah Paulson and Hugh Dancy also do a good job of playing the stable suburban couple who have been infiltrated by a troublesome relative who generally seems to be a hindrance to their plans of starting a family. The two stories running side by side works perfectly as we the audience aren’t really sure what Martha is so terrified off until the final part of the film and we also get the feeling that Martha will never be completely free. While I do appreciate that an ambiguous ending works in some films I thought this should’ve had some definitive resolution one way or another and that did annoy me as did the off-key score which was overused a little too much for my liking.

Verdict: A strong psychological drama that sticks with you long after it finishes with a great breakout performance from Olsen and therefore deserving of a 8/10

Click here to view the embedded video.

They’re called Deuce.

Sure some of you probably know all about them already, but I’m not happy.

Stupid fucking Rubberbandits looking cunt

Why?

Well you don’t know how many Youtube accounts we’ve had deleted on us because we had a boob or a nipple in a video.  If I had a euro for every account that had been deleted I’d have at least, and quite literally a begillion euros.

Anyway, at the time we just figured it was our name or the fact that Youtube gets all moody over the boobs.  Fair enough.

That was until I stumbled upon this little musical outfit and their cheeky video.

Deuce are, somebody.  I was going to rip shit off their Wiki page, but you can do that yourself.

I’m rambling, but for those of you who saw our Saturday’s Sexy Stories last week, you’ll remember Stooshe.  The girl group with the song “Fuck Me”, that was changed (video and all) to “Love Me” for radio and the moody Youtube.

Well the reason I’m miffed is because when I was putting this little fluff piece together about the video with the nudey wimmins with their boobs out all over the shop, I assumed that I’d have to use the Vimeo or Dailymotion or Metacafe versions.

Oh but no.

Here’s the version I was going to give you:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Pretty awesome right?

Yeah, woop.

Here’s the Youtube version that should be all censored out, but isn’t:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Notice any difference?  No?  That’s because there is no fucking difference.

Me?  Bitter?

Never.

It’s not like I could give Jordan’s fanny full of lemon juice and her children’s souls a run for their bitter money or anything.

Either Youtube have introduced a censor/filter option that they didn’t have before or I’m missing something.

FUCK!

Stupid fucking Rubberbandits looking cunt.

Stars: Sam Worthington, Jamie Bell, Ed Harris and Elizabeth Banks
Director: Asger Leth
Release Date: 3rd February 2012

The titular Man on the Ledge is ex-cop Nick Cassidy (Sam Worthington) who has been jailed for stealing from businessman David Englander (Ed Harris) and has escaped custody in a bid to prove his innocence. After demanding the presence of disgraced police negotiator Lydia Mercer (Elizabeth Banks) at the scene and with the help of his brother (Jamie Bell) and his brother’s girlfriend (Genesis Rodriguez) can Nick convince the police, the onlookers and the media that he is an innocent man?

Sounds interesting enough so far but it sadly, it doesn’t take long until it becomes painfully apparent that this is no more than a below average, mish-mashed heist thriller.

Sam Worthington is a decent actor and makes the best of the script he has been given but despite his best efforts, it’s almost impossible to garner any emotional connection with the main character. Elizabeth Banks also puts in a great performance as a down-on-her-luck police negotiator whose last assignment went horifficaly (and fatally) wrong. She adds some depth to her role and amongst the assortment of generic 2-D stereotypes that are the supporting cast members, she really stands out. (It doesn’t hurt that when we are introduced to her, she isn’t wearing a bra…just sayin’) Ed Harris is as dependable as ever playing the film’s villain David Englander. He seems to be playing his part with his tongue firmly in his cheek and steals every scene he is in.

Jamie Bell and the absurdly named (but ridiculously gorgeous) Genesis Rodriguez seem to be used as comic relief which feels forced and unnessessary in a film that could have done with a lot more gravitas. The so-called “comedy” set pieces fit awkwardly in a film and breaks any sort of tension that was built in the scenes before it. Having said that, there is a particular scene in which Genesis Rodriguez strips to her underwear. I couldn’t care less whether that broke tension, it was great. If Steven Spielberg had added that scene to Schindler’s List, I wouldn’t have complained.

The plot is where the film falls apart (which, you know, is pretty unforgivable for a film). It’s hard to desribe all of it’s shortcomings without giving too much away but let’s just say that it becomes apparent very quickly where the film is headed and how it is going to get there. Director Asger Leth telegraphs every plot “twist” and you would have ended up more suprised if the twists didn’t happen.

The film also doesn’t know what it wants to be. It’s part Heist Thriller, part Buddie Cop action film, part Social Commentary, part Drama. Regrettabaly the sum of all these parts add up to a disjointed and somewhat disappointing end result.

After saying all that, it’s certainly not the worst film I have ever seen. I suppose I am more disappointed because the premise could have been amazing if they had played it with more suspense and more focus. But if you are willing to switch off your brain and ignore the glaring plot holes that arise in every couple of scenes, then it’s a pretty harmless evening out in the cinema.

Pros: It has a somewhat interesting premise and the underwear scene with Genesis Rodriguez is great.

Cons: The premise isn’t fully explored and the the film lets itself down with twists that Helen Keller could see coming a mile away.

If this film was a woman it would be: Lindsay Lohan – Started out promising but due to it’s schitzophrenic qualities and lack of emotion, ends up being a huge disappointment.

5/10

Now let me take you through all the runners and riders in the major categories, you the catagories that we really only care about…Foreign Language Film can go and shite!

BEST PICTURE 

The Artist 

What it’s about: A silent movie star goes into a downward spiral following the advent of sound cinema while at the same time a star is born in a young actress who started out in one of his films.
Why it’s nominated: It harks back to old school cinema which would appeal to the older member of the academy but apart from that it’s a charming film that more than deserves the awards it’s been nominated for.
What its chances are: A favourite to sweep the board and pick up the Best Picture award and personally I do feel at this stage it can’t be beaten. But a lot can change between now and the end of February.

The Descendants

What it’s about: A man living in Hawaii must bring his family together when his wife slips into a coma while at the same time trying to finalise a property deal for the land that his family have inherited.
Why it’s nominated: It is the token offbeat film of the pack but one that has picked up a lot of steam thanks to star George Clooney who is good at picking up Oscar votes despite that his own film The Ides of March doesn’t figure here.
What its chances are: It’s basically the only film that can beat The Artist at this stage and even then it would be a massive upset, I do believe that it should be happy to have won the Best Drama award at The Golden Globes

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

What it’s about: A young boy tries to discover the meaning of a key that his father, who died during 9/11, left him before he died.
Why it’s nominated: This was one of the surprise entries into the Best Picture category and one that got a rapturous applause when it was revealed to be in the mix. This is the only film I haven’t seen but from the reviews I have read it isn’t great and of all of these films it has the lowest IMDB rating by quite some margin. I’m guessing its here because it’s good Oscar bait with its subject matter of 9/11 and its awards-friendly cast of Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock.
What its chances are: I honestly think it should just be happy with the nomination here as this will simply be the also-ran film and will be quickly forgotten about post-awards season.

The Help

What it’s about: A young writer decides she is going to create a story based on the life of the African American maids who serve the wealthy families in her hometown.
Why it’s nominated: This was the film I didn’t really want to see in the list but that was mainly because I had a bet that it wouldn’t be nominated and now I owe a friend a coffee. This is the token message film about not judging people just because of the colour of their skin and does contain some great performances from its predominantly female cast three of whom have picked up nominations.
What its chances are: While it has picked up a nod throughout every awards season I feel The Help’s best chances are in the acting categories.

Hugo

What it’s about: A young Parisian orphan who lives at a train station tries to discover the secret behind a mechanical man he and his father were building.
Why it’s nominated: Mainly because it’s directed by Martin Scorsese but more than that its success is similar to that of The Artist in that they both reference the early days of cinema. In the case of Hugo it goes right back to the dawn of cinema and its French roots it also helps that it looks fantastic and as you will see I feel it will pick up a few awards.
What its chances are: Despite being nominated for the most awards this year I feel that Hugo will most likely triumphant in the awards that honour artistic merit and not in the Best Picture category.

Midnight in Paris

What it’s about: An American writer, who has accompanied his girlfriend and her family to Paris, finds himself travelling back to the city in the 1920s where he meets some of his icons and falls in love.
Why it’s nominated: Again mainly for nostalgic reasons as the scenes in twenties Paris must appeal to the old guard of the academy. This is also a return to form for Oscar favourite Woody Allen whose films have often been given acting or writing nominations however this is the first Allen film to be nominated for an Oscar since Hannah and Her Sisters in 1986.
What its chances are: Again this won is here due to a strong campaign being launched on its behalf and I think while the film isn’t successful maybe Allen will be elsewhere.

Moneyball

What it’s about: The manager of a baseball team who became the first person to use computer statistics to put his team together rather than taking the advice of his scouts.
Why it’s nominated: Possibly due to the script written by Aaron Sorkin or possibly due to Oscar favourite Brad Pitt taking the starring role but my theory is due to its message of triumph over adversity and never giving up on your beliefs. I’m also guessing that a large number of the Academy voters are baseball fans and remember this incident when it first occurred.
What its chances are: Again this is a film that is just filling a gap in the list and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was one that just about made it in.

The Tree of Life

What it’s about: If I’m honest I’m really not sure but it does tell the story of a 1950s family who are rocked by the death of one of its sons and it follows another of the sons coping with the effects of this in the present day.
Why it’s nominated: I don’t really know as The Tree of Life was a film that the critics went crazy over but I’m yet to meet a real person who actually liked because I thought it was very pretentious and it thought it was an important movie that had to be seen by everyone. I’m guessing the combined force of director Terrence Malick, who only makes one film per decade, with stars Brad Pitt and Sean Penn was enough to get this one a nod.
What its chances are: No chance whatsoever this is the bookie’s outside pick for a reason and out of all of the Best Picture nominations this is the one that is most likely to go away with absolutely nothing.

War Horse

What it’s about: A horse which is bought by a Devon farmer goes on to have a massive impact on many lives during World War I.
Why it’s nominated: I feel the war setting must have something to do with it and I think members of the academy were probably charmed by it’s tale of friendship and perseverance. It also helps that its director is academy favourite Steven Spielberg who is always on the campaign trail when he feels he has film that may appeal to the Oscar voters.
What its chances are: At one time this was the favourite to win Best Picture but that was before The Artist started getting honours around the festival circuits perhaps if this was released in another year it would triumph but I think it may just have to be content with some technical awards instead.