I don’t know what else I can say really.

Serbian designer Milos Paripovic came up with this design concept as a bit of a laff but I don’t doubt that there are Apple fans out there would give their right bollock to have one.

“It just works”

“No fuss, simple sleek design and seem less performance”

“It’s just the right shape for your arse”

Yeah, but it doesn’t support Flush!

GEDDIT?

Fuck it.

Anyone who looks at these pictures and says to themselves “That would be the most awesomest thing in the world” deserves to be shot.  In the face.  With a hedgehog gun.  And the hedgehogs are on fire.  Acid fire.  And they bite.

Call it what you want.

The iShite, iShit, iPoo, iDump, iDropthekidsoffatthepool, iBackoneout, iAmtouchingcloth.

We’re calling it the iJacks, because we’re Irish so what else are we gonna call it?

Click the pics for bigger

Via

I have so many of them, and I got such a horn when I saw the HYT H1 watch!

HYT is a new watch brand, HYT stands for Hydro Mechanical Horologists. Betcha they’re not cunty horologists like that little shit John Joe.

The H1 is the company’s first official watch, it’s first timepiece ever to combine mechanical and liquid engineering. It represents a new concept in watch making that’ll take the world by storm.

Click here to view the embedded video.

“H1 is a proprietary Swiss movement with a 65 hour power reserve and manual winding – driving a unique high-tech fluidic module.”

The company will produce stylish watches which not only contain liquid but also use liquid for a functional purpose. The HYT H1 Watch will be available in three cases: titanium, red gold and black coated titanium with seriously swanky luminescent green yellow liquid ring around the dial.

This liquid displays the hours on a circular tube around the edge of the dial with two piston looking devices on the bottom of the dial which push and pull the liquid to show the time on the scale. The minutes are displayed by a medium sized sub dial near the centre of the top of the watch with a paddle wheel style seconds hand to the left.

You want it so bad now too don’t ya?

Sure I’ll get one in each style they only cost about €35,000, well the titanium one does, I’d assume the gold one and the black titanium might cost a bit more though, but hell I’m worth it!

Now, if you’re not old enough to remember the original release of the film back in 1997, let me give you a run down:

Some posh people including a very do-able with great boobs Kate Winslet want to go on a big posh boat.

Some poor people including a very baby faced little bollix, Leonardo DiCaprio (Watch this and wonder how he ever did anything after it) who all the girls wanted want to go on a big posh boat too, but they have to live in the basement like Austrians and dance around and be Irish stereotypes.

Poor Irish lad fancies posh English bird.  There’s trouble written all over that.

Some trouble happens.  We told you it would.

Captain is a shit captain and hits an Iceberg.

*SPOILER*

Despite there being a movie on a satellite channel called Titanic 2, trust me on this, the Titanic sinks like a cunt.

Irish boy freezes in the water because posh bird doesn’t want to get her hair wet again, he dies and he sinks.

In the future, posh English lady is on a boat with Bill Pullman/Paxton, I forget which and she’s all like “Yeah, he died but I got this sweet bling”, then she drops it and we’re like “Serves you right”.

Oh, and Celine Dion sings her way all the way through the fucking thing and all the way to the bank.

I got so laid after this film it’s not even funny.

I think that’s how it happened.

(For those of you who are old enough to remember the original release, read the above again for added nostalgia)

And now James Cameron is going to make us go through all that again in 3D?  Get ta fuck Jimmy, will ya?

Although seeing Kate Winslet’s boobs pre-The Reader would be awesome in 3D.

Titanic 3D will be out next April.  Don’t worry about knowing the exact date, you’ll be flooded with promo shite before then.

Moving on…

Star Trek 2 is on its way.  Due to start filming early to mid next year the release date was still floating around in the air a little.

Sony moved Roland Emmerich’s Singularity from May 17th, 2013, to Nov 1, 2013. So now Paramount is grabbing that primo pre-Memorial Weekend (or a weekend to the rest of us) date of May 17, 2013 for its much anticipated writer/director J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek sequel. No title yet, probably something along the lines of Star Trek 2.

But this one is being co-written by Abrams with Lost‘s Damon Lindelof, plus Alex Kurtzman & Roberto Orci. But JJ is going to be making the movie in 3D. The first of Abram’s rebooted franchise opened May 8, 2009 for a $79M weekend and ultimate did $258M in North America and $130M international at the box office. The pic is being produced by all those writers and Bryan Burk, who is JJ’s Bad Robot production partner. It is anticipated that David Ellison’s Skydance will be co-financing the film with Paramount. All key cast members will be returning, like Chris Pine and Zach Quinto and Zoe Saldana.

She was in the last one, and is coming back for number 2.

Some hot green chick with red hair, here's hoping she comes back for number 2.

We love our BFFs over at Burt’s Shirts, they have awesome T-Shirts they make us look cool even though we’re mostly not cool.

They do hoodies as well, which are great cause it’s foookin bittooor out!

Burt’s are the folks that make us our Boob.ie t-shirts and hoodies, and they make the iddy biddy tops for all our Boob.ie girls as well.

Blah blah blah blah blah…so anyway on to some great news. Burt’s Shirts have kindly given all Boob.ie readers a discont on any goodies from their site.

If you wanna treat yourself, your better halves, me or anyone to a gift from Burt’s, maybe even perhaps for Christmas you can have 20% off any order with the discount code at the checkout “iloveboobs”.  It’s as if it was just done for us!

Our lady vests, modelled up above by the lovely Jessica, and our hoodies, modelled below by the rather rugged, but surprised looking Maxi, and our manly tshirts modelled below that by a rather happy looking little fellow with his thumbs up.

Jaysis, at least Jess put a bit of effort into it.

Get your arses over there and check out their stuff, it’s like totally boss yo, and now you’ve a full fifth off the final price!

Whutchu waitin’ for Willis?

They’ve got Thirts to make her wet!

I have a lot of watches and quite a few manly (not “uber gay” like some people might say) bracelets.

This is kind of both in one, you can tell the time but you can look all trendy like you would whilst wearing a manly bracelet, cause no one with any sense of style would wear a watch and a bracelet at the same time. Duh!

The appropriately named “Faceless Watch” has liquid crystal displays in the band, that blend into the watch’s stainless steel links. The links are electroplated, giving the timepiece a high gloss black finish.

It’s four disguised LCDs are only detected when they illuminate to form red digital numbers at the press of a button. The top row displays the hour and the lower row the minute; the press of a button switches the view to month and day.

Pretty awesome eh?

Look tres trendy and buy one of these bad boys for about €120 from here. The Faceless Watch also comes with a Lifetime Guarantee.

WANTSIES!

Will

We had a quick chat with Marek Grubel, the owner, founder and creative director of this awesome brand that completely revolves around the female form. It was great to meet someone who understood our boobie fascination.

So, tell us what was happening or where were you the moment you got the idea for T.I.T.S? We have some ideas but we’d like to hear from you.

I was drunk.

From the owner of the best named website in the world to the owner of the best named brand in the world, what would you have called your brand if T.I.T.S was already taken?

I have never been asked that, shit that’s hard. Probably Racks or Top Shelf.

Do you ever get tired of looking at boobs?

Uhh no!

Our proudest Boob.ie moment was interviewing a Playboy model, what has been your proudest T.I.T.S moment?

A bunch of them, but probably would have to be seeing Tera Patrick naked, that was epic.

Do your family and friends only get T.I.T.S merchandise for holidays now? Do you have an uncle with a T.I.T.S air freshener in his car? Is there a photo of Grandma wearing a T.I.T.S hoody at Christmas?

Everyone gets T.I.T.S accessories, but I do get thoughtful gifts as well.

Is there a famous pair of boobs you’d give anything to see a T.I.T.S top on?

Fuck yeah, Marilyn Monroe, Cindy Crawford, and Megan Fox.

Having looked at our site, what do you think of Irish boobs?

Reminds me of Guinness, they’re stout!

Is there any T.I.T.S secrets or news you can tell Boob.ie readers?

We are working on a couple of great collabs and a big campaign that is going to change the game. With the success of last years breast cancer campaign we are working even harder this year and are excited to show our fans what we have so that we can raise awarness and beat the amount we donated to breast cancer research last year!

Fair play to you guys, keep up the good work and we love your stuff!

Marek and the folks at T.I.T.S are so lovely that they’ve given Boob.ie readers a whopping 25% discount.*

FROM THE NEW SUMMER COLLECTION

Head on over to the T.I.T.S Shop where you’ll find something for everyone, and enter promo code BOOB when checking out.

T.I.T.S. is so cool that even Slash wears their stuff!!!

Don’t forget to show T.I.T.S some love on Facebook here, and follow them on Twitter, here.

*Discount applies to orders over $25

PS. Stay tuned for a competition, where you could get your hands on some T.I.T.S…..stuff!

Here’s some pants that’ll make life some what easier, and yes people really invented these and yes they really do exist.

No-Wash Underwear

Wouldn’t say these would do anything about the smell, but if they cover up skid marks and dribble stains, that’s half the battle. You’d get at least a week out of them, two if you’re less manky.

Bum Lifting Underwear

It’s not like us men really have JLo asses to worry about, but sure no harm in lifting and accentuating what you do have.

Faucet Underwear

I'm liking the sequined ones.

You know when you’ve been playing xBox for hours, and you know you have to piss but you’re able to hold it, then some fucker shoots ya so you decide you leggit to the toilet. You get to the door, unzip your jeans and then there’s that split second when you’re whippin it out, and you don’t think you’ll make it. Sometimes to you do, sometimes you don’t.

Faucet underwear, now I’m not sure turning a faucet would be a whole lot if any easier then whippin it out, and then what happens if it gets stuck? Best have some WD40 handy.

Ball Bra

Made so as not to have to tuck your balls into your socks when you’re 60. Some chicks might find some ball cleavage quite the turn on.

Light Up Underwear

I heard most male heteros can’t find the female G Spot, these pants might help when you’re digging around in the dark. Or whenever your lover ask what you want just say “go towards the light.”

Padded Underwear

Just like women want bigger boobs men always want a bigger willy. I’ll be adding a pair of these padded underwear to my Christmas list, not that I need them or anything. I’m hung like a horse.

Will

Let’s face it, no matter what shape or form your man bag comes in, it’s still a man bag.

Our fathers even had man bags, they were called “satchels” or something and they were used to carry their schoolbooks and penny apples to school.  I had a man bag once, actually I’ve had a few over the years.  From the single strap back pack to the full on designer Hugo Boss hand stitched leather multi compartmented man bag.  It was a Christmas present that just happened to come at the same time that I got my first car.  Now it sits in my boot, because my car is my man bag.

My Hugo Boss Man Bag, ain't it pretty?

I actually love my Hugo Boss man bag.  It has a little pouch for my iPod, that actually houses a now out of date Kit Kat Chunky.  It has a zipped pocket just big enough for a portable flash drive, which is actually where I have a handful of parking receipts I forgot to claim back from a job once.  It has enough room to hold a laptop and charger, a Ross O’Carroll Kelly book, a VIP pass to a Leeson Street downstairs wine bar and a mankini.  At least that’s what the designers must have had in mind when they reckoned that someone would pay hundreds for a giant wallet.

It must be, because apart from the Kit Kat and the parking receipts all I have in my man bag is an old copy of FHM, Empire film mag, a wooly hat, and two odd gloves.  What does a man need to carry around with him that he can’t fit in his wallet?  Nothing.

If it can’t fit in your wallet, that’s what the baby jesus gave us pockets for.

And yet, we’ve all at some time fallen victim to the conspiracy that is the man bag phenomenomeonomonenm.

Why is it a conspiracy?

Because women have women bags, more commonly known as handbags.  Even though some of these “hand” bags are big enough to traffic humans in, they’re still considered to be a handy way of carrying around the things that a woman of today needs.

And what would that list of essential items look like?  Take a look inside your woman’s bag right now and have a gander.  Or take a random woman’s bag off her on the bus/train/LUAS without her blowing her rape whistle and you’ll see some or all of the following:

• Lipsticks – 7 assorted colours.  None of which she is currently wearing.
• Cherry flavoured lip balm, just in case she ever does kiss a girl, she’ll want her to like it
• 3 earings that don’t match
• Hair brush/claw/scrunchy thingies
• Nail varnish
• More balled up used tissues than the under mattress of a horny teenage boy
• Someone else’s house keys
• That eye brow pencil that she tore the apartment up looking for
• Various receipts for important things like thongs on sale in La Senza, her Bagel Factory lunch, but not the €200 pair of shoes she promised to return so that she could pay her share of the rent.
• Stain removing wipes, which makes that stain on her blouse all the more suspicious
• Plasters and painkillers
• Spare knickers

Shocking, no?  I was going to mention what I found, something called a “tampon”, but wikipedia just keeps telling me to turn around and forget everything I thought I saw.

Why the spare pair of knickers?  If we carried around a spare pair of y fronts (we’re men of the world remember), the accusations would be flying around like shame at a bukkake party.

Women want us to carry around the man bag so that they can carry even larger bags around and fill them with even more stuff.  Women say that they need to be ready for every instance, fair enough.  Men do too, this is why the Swiss gave us Toblerone’s.  No, wait, I mean Swiss Army Knives.

Mmm, almondy nougaty goodness

Look at that bad boy.  There’s so many tools on that one that you could actually lead an army into victory.

If the army needed a plug rewired or a tiny magnifying glass or a small pebble removed from a horse’s hoof.

Ok, maybe not.  But if it did ever happen you wouldn’t want to be the kind of man who wasn’t ready for the situation, so it’s your manly duty to go and get one of these.

The cost?  At least 3 of your Earthly dole cheques, but that doesn’t matter.  It’s an investment in the future of what could possibly happen one day, but probably not.

It is quite big though.  It might have you sitting lop sided if you put it in your wallet and sat down.  It’d weigh you down and might catch the loose thread in your coat pocket and create a hole that it would fall through.

You know what?  When you go and buy it, go and buy something to carry it around in.  Because it’s something that you’d want on your person without needing to have it in sight all the time.

Maybe a bag of some sort.

Fuck.

We just found out today, that the guy behind these adverts is Irish, a Mr Stephen Walsh.

Well done sir, well done indeed.

Click here to view the embedded video.

But the polls have closed here too.

Sort of.

When we were putting the results together, we realised that we’d kind of done this arse ways.  First off, how were we going to get a single winner from two different polls?

But we could have gotten around that if two of the candidates hadn’t gotten the same result in either poll.

And we’ve had enough of coalitions around here.  Unless they want to coalate themselves all over a paddling pool with some raspberry jam and duke it out, we’re not interested.

And even though they’re young and probably kinkier than a nun on casual Friday behind closed doors, we doubt they’ll agree to that even if it meant they’d actually get elected into the Dáil.

So, we’ll let them duke it out here.

We know you’ve probably had enough of all this voting lark, but you don’t need to worry about being on a register and we won’t allow the candidates to come round your gaff and kiss some babies and shake hands with grannies and shout their shite out on a tannoy.

Here instead we have had the graphic designers from a sub company of ILM to do us up some little pictures to show you the two finalists.

So, for your consideration….