Two Boobs Good, Four Boobs Better!

I wonder who among you has ever tasted their own baby batter?  Most of you probably, you’re a curious bunch, sure that’s why I love you so much.

It’s not very tasty, is it?  I mean – it’ll never make it as a hamburger relish or ice-cream topping and there’s a reason why Yoplait has never dabbled in a mushroom flavour.  It’s always surprised me that sperm tastes so musty considering there’s so much glucose in it.  Nope, it makes a far more effective face-cream than anything else.

But, Ladyboys and Girls, it doesn’t have to be this way!  Let me share a secret with you – a secret that I learned from my days on the job outside a very popular cocktail bar in Cork.

Pineapples.

Let me tell you that after a man has had enough Pina Coladas, it makes for a whole different ball game (ball game – see what I did there?).  Pineapple juice, citrus fruits and foods laced with cinnamon seem to be the most effective items to consume if you want your man chowder seriously sought after.

A word to the wise though… stay away from coffee, guinness, garlic, onions and methylated spirits (don’t ask me how I know about the latter), these things don’t make for good citricum unfortunately.

But don’t take my word for it, try it yourself!  If you find yourself cumming over all funny after a seriously succesful invention, email me and let me know – I’m itching for some good recipes to write on the back of the toilet doors in Pravda.

xxx
Vibratora

Now I don’t know about you lot, but when I hear the name Deirdre, I automatically think about the glass wearing zombie necked Barlow one from Corporation Street.  Then that makes me think of the chinless wonder that is Gail and it makes me sad.  And a little bit sick in my mouth.

Got wood? Tee and hee.

This is Deirdre.  And it’s spelled properly.  Try it with me.  B O I N G !

That’s how you spell it.

This is Deirdre posing in an Irish wood.  “Wouldn’t mind seeing her posing ON some Irish wood, wha?  wha?”

Indeed.

Well dear reader, despite what you might think, we hold Deirdre in a much higher regard than that.

Her eye for fine underwear.  That sultry look directly into the camera.  Her super human strength that allows her to prevent those two trees from falling on her.

Plus we don’t reckon our 4 inch twigs would constitute as wood, technically.

We just keep telling ourselves that if a small penis falls in the forest and no one is around, does anyone laugh at our saplings?

The answer is yes, and we feel sad.

Cheeky

Another thing that strikes me when I look at Deirdre is that this is how a Disney Princess should behave in the forest.

Never mind fucking about with dwarves.  Never mind singing to the little squirrels and other critters about her true love.

Parading around in her undies is the way of the future, I can guarantee it.

But if I ever did find myself wandering around the forest and heard her cries, I’d save that damsel in distress.

Climbing a tower and sleighing the dragon.  Beating that warty old hag up with the poison apples.  I can’t help but think that it would all be in vain though.

A woman like Deirdre wouldn’t go for a man like me, she’d want a Disney Prince.  That’s not me.  On the other hand, if she was a Disney redheaded Mermaid, she’d be in real trouble.  I hear they love seamen.

Grrrrr, is that a bear?

You have to admire her bravery.  Bears live in woods.  Not the snuggly kind that eat honey and named after something that wouldn’t smell very nice and who is friends with a donkey and an acid tripping tiger, but the kind that would eat your ass up.

And yet without any tree climbing aparatus to speak of, there she is not giving a shit.  To quote Tenacious D:

“Oh shit there’s a bear, could you hand me that shotgun buddy, also that chair.  We’re fighting a bear, now your life’s in grave danger and you don’t even care…”

Hot and courageous, and what’s more despite the amount of foliage around, there isn’t a hint of bush.

All hail Deirdre.

Photography courtesy of Celtic Glamour.

Julie from Arklow.  I’ve never been to Arklow, but I do know a few interesting facts about the place.

Sideways boob, not to be confused with the usual sideboob

Arklow was the first choice for Viking settlers back in 1982.  They’d seen a tourism ad on the old internet.  They ended up staying in Dublin instead and opening a trendy bar near Christchurch.

Arklow’s mayor is a woman by the name of Whigfield.  Remember her?  That cheesy dance song from the nineties that has people dancing in a way that would get on the nerves of Nurse Rachet from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s nest.  Yeah her.  She must be doing a great job, she’s been re-elected every year since 2010.

Om nom nom nom, that is all

Arklow has a resident who claims to have invented the number 7.

They're staring at me

Arklow doesn’t get involved in those tidy towns competitions, instead it has heavily invested in a space exploration program.  They reckon they’ll beat the Russians to the moon.  I haven’t the heart to tell them that the moon isn’t real.

They’re all true, you can check on culchipedia.org if you don’t believe us.

Here’s a couple of facts about Julie:

These pictures weren’t taken by her boyfriend, but by her hot red head girlfriend.

We’re not calling her a big fibber with pants on fire, but we reckon she just told us that so that we’d show her jumper bunnies on the site.

We would have anyway.  We always would have anyway.

Thanks Julie, and if you do have a hot red head girl friend, turn the god damn camera around already.

Submit your pics to us via [email protected]

Hi there!  Welcome to Vibratora’s box – a playful injection of the female sex here on Boob.ie.

My purposes here are many;  I am the ying to the copious yang.  I will be keeping a close watch on the blokey men here, ensuring they receive a good spanking if they step out of line, but more importantly I’m here for you.  If you have enough stamina during the afterglow of a thorough ham-shank inspired by the diverse and wonderful videos and photographs you’ll find here on Boob.ie, I’m hoping to give you a jolly good education on the mechanics of the female psyche.

Maybe you’re a man who has a problem that just can’t be articulated over a pint with your mates down the pub, maybe you’re a woman who needs advice on how to put the fun back into the funk, or maybe you just need a way to gain revenge on someone who’s funked you over.  Could be you can’t sleep and just need me to read you a kinky bedtime story – either way I’m here to help.  Advice, tips, and an expansive craving for the bizarre… that’s me.

Leave something juicy for me at [email protected], or insert your perky comments below… I’m all ears my dears.

xxx
Vibratora

Sandra has balls.  Not like that, you understand.

But there she is on an Irish beach.  Obviously not in the last while as it’s not snowing and there’s not a single polar bear in a duffle coat in sight.

Still even during an Irish summer when the temperature has been known to go above 10 Celsius, the wind would cut you in two.

That’s why we can only applaud any woman who has the brass to put on a bikini, strip off the thermals and pose on a beach.

Just imagine it.

You’re plane’s engine explodes and you crash land on the Irish coast.

With nothing but coconuts and a volleyball called Wilson to keep you company, you stumble across beautiful Sandra while you try to spear some fish.

She might take pity on you and tell you to huddle closely to get some body heat going.

She might even overlook the fact that you haven’t shaved in over 6 weeks, or brushed your teeth or changed your underwear.  Which is great because you crashed only a couple of days ago.

Either that or she’ll quite rightly call you a gobshite because you’re only a mile from the nearest town.

You’d feel like quite the plonker.  Even more so when you try to explain talking to the volleyball to keep your sanity.

It might be best to keep that to yourself, actually.

It wouldn’t be the best way to impress her.

Maybe stick to the story of how you wrestled a donkey to the ground and skinned it with your bare hands.  Not for food, but because it looked at you funny.

She may overlook the fact that you traumatised the kids who were waiting for a donkey ride on the beach when you went mental and made the evening news, but don’t count on it.

Just another reason to keep your behaviour in check.  You never know when you’ll meet a gorgeous, and brave beach babe like Sandra.

Photography courtesy of Celtic Glamour.

This is Janice and we don’t know about you, but she looks awfully familiar to us.

Don't pretend like you don't know we were looking

Maybe it’s because she’s in that room that’s obviously waiting to be painted.  Although if you ask us, and we’re not experts on the subject, but those aren’t the kind of undies you wear when you’ve got the painters in.

Plus those high heels can only be a health and safety hazard.  If she’s not careful she’ll end up on one of those compo ads on the telly.

We can see it now.

“I was just casually walking around the place in my thong and high heels and I tripped over a loosely hanging piece of white cloth”

And another thing, she’s definitely not dressed for having a window open in this weather, but she’s obviously got one wide open.

Never mind her hair getting messed up, that’s gonna play havoc with her nipples.

But then again, we’re ok with that.

And one and two and stretch

She’s still got that window open, but at least she’s holding onto something for balance.

You never know when you’ll get a gust of wind that’ll knock you off your stilettos.

Either that or she’s edging her way out of the room and away from all those loose sheets.  You can’t be too careful.

Just chillin', little bit of illin'

Ok, so we know she’s not waiting for the decorators to start remodelling her apartment.  It’d be nice though.

I once did work experience for a painter and decorator when I was in school.  Not once, not even once did we ever go into a house to see the owner wearing nothing but a thong and high heels.

We did put wall paper up in a flat in one of Ballymun’s old tower blocks.  We knocked on the door and were greeted by a pensioner who had “forgotten” that her house coat had fallen open.

Her boobs weren’t half as lovely as Janice’s.  They hung so low, it was like she had three belly buttons.

We hope and pray for the day that we go to work and get greeted by a girl like Janice.

What else have we got only hope?

Photography courtesy of Celtic Glamour.

Men, we so crazy.  We spend our lives chasing the illusive haven of happiness, then when ever there’s a sniff of success we go and fuck it up.

We see it all the time, no sooner has your drunken mate, Krazy Ken worked his magic on that lovely at the bar than he’ll proceed to vomit all over her without a moment’s thought.

The next time you go out he’ll be close to sealing the deal before loosing his balance and grabbing her tits for balance and falling over, making the “Honk Honk” noise to himself.

It’s a classic male flaw that we don’t like to admit to, but that happens all the same.  We work hard then piss on the chips before the dotted line has been signed.

Fucking smiley bastards

Over the years, I’ve penetrated over 1 female. I’ve also got a habit of not keeping my mouth in check when the glorious moment of penetration is upon us. Being the ever generous person that I am, I’m going to share some such verbal gems so that you can store them in your memory banks and not use them to cock block yourself.

Don’t utter one of these, even as a joke.  The timing of Billy Connolly couldn’t get a smile out of her.

You’re welcome:

1. Can you try and tighten up this time?
2. No way, yer ma has the same mole!
3. Jesus, you’re drier than a camel’s nuts in a sand storm.
4. This is what a big boy does with it.
5. Are you sure I’m the only one today? It’s like an ice cream sandwich on a hot day down there.
6. Is that left over chocolate sauce from earlier, or do you not wipe from front to back?
7. Why does your face smell like cum?
8. Sshh, you’ll wake your babysitter.
9. Oh be quiet, this won’t burst your stitches.
10. Don’t act shocked, I told you this would happen before you passed out.
11. All I’m saying is that there’s no windows or doors open, so that draught has to be coming from somewhere.
12. Am I in yet? Pass my cigarettes and call yourself a taxi.
13. Where you this uptight with your Uncle?
14. Anyway, long story short I’m pretty sure I didn’t give her herpes.
15. Christ, a 9 year old wouldn’t whinge this much. Trust me.
16. Surprise!
17. Stay still, we don’t have to turn this rape into a murder.
18. My ma says I do this really well.
19. Moooooo!
20. I love your saucy knickers, but you should get that thrush cleared up.

C’mon, make us feel better.  How have you gotten in your own way in the past?

Peek-a-boo!

I must say, I never enjoyed opening my emails in the morning as much I have done these past two weeks. Today we have a pair of pairs from Co.  Dublin. First up we’ve got Jodie who looks like the kind of girl you might like to go for a walk with, or maybe go see a movie with or perhaps even share a few drinks with. After that, we would probably most like to be as her baby and feed on those delicious-looking boobies she proudly possesses.

Jodie has told us she the excitement of exposing herself “really got her going” and that she “loved releasing her inner porn star”. I’m sure the person who took these pictures was loving it too!

Head, meet pillows.

The nation’s capital seems to be quite the hotbed for adventurous young ladies, here we have yet another stunning set belonging to a girl called Lisa.

There’s something about Lisa’s all-over tan that tells me this isn’t the first time her chest has made a public appearance. And with a cracking pair of knock-out knockers like these, I sincerely hope for the good of all mankind that this show won’t be their last. I could go on all day about these lovelies but I think the pictures here speak for themselves.

Be careful fellas, this tiger's got claws!

If you think you have a chest that’s blessed, send your pictures into us here:  [email protected]

Yet another real Irish woman who would like to grace the pages of our magnificent manly haven, this is Sammi from Kilkenny.

Black and white, artsy.

Sammi teased us in her submission saying that while she’ll only be giving us one picture this time, she may just give us more in the future.

Nice.

She also says that she did it as a dare from her boyfriend.  Sammi reckons that her fella won’t believe she really did it.

We’ll bet she does a lot of stuff that her boyfriend wouldn’t believe, like where did that bottle of wine go?  Why you walking funny?

That’s a bit much really.  A tad too crass for the likes of us

We might as well say she has a vajayjay with a drink problem.

Vajayjay?  Sounds like a cartoon character.  We prefer love tunnel, or sausage wallet.  Or bearded clam, which also sounds like a cartoon character, but only from the kinds of cartoons that we get from Barry down the pub.

All hail Sammi.

Submit your pics to – [email protected]