Kicking it off, is one of the simplest, but best ideas for a photo series ever.

Photographer Johann Bona has released a new photo series entitled “Girls on my Floor.” It’s exactly what it sounds like – girls on the floor.  The most Ronseal photo series ever.

And I have to say that it’s fooking hot.

From someone who looks at boobs all week (trust me, it can get a little trying) I love it when a new way of doing it comes along.

Check it out, girls on the floor.  Simples.

Via

And we’re only getting started…

Our buds over at GMRFM.com have it on their site too.

Well, after Mr Sherlock’s flat out refusal to listen to any opposition on the matter and to give it no more than TWENTY minutes of attention in the Dáil.

While his intentions, however naive may be honourable and just, he’s just going about it all wrong.  But not only that, he clearly has no idea of what he’s on about.

Asking that the ISP’s and record companies “sit down together” to talk about this like a disagreement over a game of bridge is naive at best, and that’s me being polite about it.

At the time of writing this (late last night) the number of signatures on the online petition against this legislation was just under 80,000.  Yet, with a greater number of names on a list than probably elected this TD into power, it seems to mean nothing to him.

So between ourselves and PopcultureMonster.com, we’ve come up with an open letter to Sean Sherlock TD, JUNIOR minister for Research and Innovation.

Feel free to link to it, either to us, or to PopcultureMonster.com and spread the word to those who haven’t heard anything about it.  Because it won’t be their fault.

Other sites or publications who have conflicted interests of not wanting to burn advertising bridges have ignored this story completely.

Regardless of what the minister says to try and calm the storm, there will be a massive fall out from this.

Spread the word, sign the petition and if you’re as worked up about this as we are, be sure to contact the good minister to let him know.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Sean-Sherlock-TD/185032148201312
Phone him: 0877402057 / 022-53523
Email him: sean.sherlock@oireachtas.ie
Tweet him: @seansherlocktd

Snail-mail him: Davis Lane, Mallow, Co. Cork.

In the meantime, here’s our letter to him:

Everything from the Playboy Bunny Handbook to a new UK girl group who look like trannies that want you to fuck them.

Seriously.

But to start us off, we have a little bit from Miley Cyrus.

At her boyfriend’s birthday party where there was a cake made in the shape of a big black dick, she was pictured pretending to get the whole thing in her mouth.

Ok, so it’s the smutty side of us blowing this out of proportion.

But whatever way you look at it, it’s Miley Cyrus trying to fit a big black cock in her mouth.

Daddy would be so proud.

Oh, and by the smutty side of the internet, I’m referring to TMZ.  Doing journalism proud every day.

Ah well, we bet it’s not long before her lawyers try to get rid of an actual sex tape of Miley chowing down on actual dick.

I’ll be honest though, if she does to real dick what she’s done to the head of that one, you can have her.

Moving on…

I’ll admit that when I was browsing various sites over the last month or so and pop ups came at me warning me of the American congress soon to be voting on something called SOPA (Stop Online Piracy Act) I was a bit meh about the whole thing.

Not because it was in America and we don’t live there and fuck them kind of thing, but because it was America and their government will sign anything into law as long as the lobbyists make it worth their while.

Then the online protesting started by telling people to contact their local representative to stop the bill.

Anyway, it went before the house and Obama told them to get ta fuck.  Proper order.

But my (and our) naivety that surely the lobbyists wouldn’t come as far as us and scare our politicians was tested when we heard (just about, twas all kept a bit hush really) that JUNIOR minister Sean “No Shit” Sherlock was going to push through our very own version of SOPA.  Of course our version isn’t actually called SOPA, it’s called well I don’t fucking know what it’s called, but it’s not as snappy as SOPA.  (It’s actually called the Copyright and Related Rights Act 2000).

Why 2000?

Well Ireland knew this was coming because the lads in Europe had us under orders to sort out copyright and piracy laws.  So a draft was done up to shut them up, purely because our government hadn’t the slightest fucking idea on how to even begin a task like that.  Then it was left.

Fast forward more than a decade and someone was obviously bored, went through our filing cabinets and realised “Hey, this doesn’t actually do anything except shut Europe up whinging at us about this law”.  That someone was Sean Sherlock.  I mean you can’t blame him, he’s only a junior minister.  He was bored to fuckery with all of his own fake promises, and with no jobs to be had to lick up to Richard Bruton, he thought “Fuck it, I’ll do this”.

And off he popped.

But before he popped off to sign in a law without debate he forgot all about his job description - Minister of State with special responsibility for Research and Innovation (Departments of Jobs, Enterprise & Innovation and Education & Skills)

“Well Ted, research, huh?  Innovation?  huh?”  cue blank stare and massive studio audience laugh.

So he went about drawing up this draft that was so vague and naive in its own stupidity that it beggars belief.

First off, I don’t think anyone has the right to steal anything, intellectual property or other wise.  I believe that everyone should be paid for their creativity, be it a stadium selling rock act or a busker selling his own home burned CD’s.  I get that.

The fact that EMI and UPC have been named numerous times by Sherlock in the last week means to me that he is being lobbied by EMI and since Eircom already buckled quicker than a fat kids dreams they obviously told him to go after the next big player in broadband – UPC.

But it has a bigger implication than just you or me not being able to have a sneaky download of Lana Del Rey.

Let’s say that we embed a Youtube video that later gets banned under this new copyright law – not only can the person responsible for the upload be chased, but we can be shut down just for having it there.  OK, fair enough you might say.  But if we don’t even embed it and just link to it, the same thing can happen.

The most serious of cases will have the site either taken down by law, or at the very least the ISP’s will be ordered to block our site to their customers.  It’s not just music.  If someone takes offence to us using a random image we pulled off Google, the same thing can happen.

Someone just doesn’t like us on a moral level?  Put in a complaint that you think we infringe on someone’s copyright and it’s nothing for them to order Eircom, UPC et al to block us.

Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, Google and the rest would also be told not to allow us to publish or link from their platforms and as a pain saving measure they’d just delete us from their database and be done with it.

This doesn’t just go for sites like ours, it goes for a lot of sites.

I’m sure lots of you are involved in other sites, blogs and web projects.  Ireland is a very small internet community compared to the rest of the world and it could be made a whole lot smaller.

We never set this site up to make money, if that happens one day and we end up with big fancy offices and work experience scum to make us our tea then that’s all well and good.  This new act will hinder and possibly stop all of that altogether.

There are other sites on the Irish corner of the net who do depend on their sites for their income (or part of it at least) with the view to expanding and growing.  If they get blocked and effectively shut down they won’t be able to do that.  Long story short, your means of supporting yourself is gone, you end up on the long dole queues with countless others depending on the same state that got you into that mess to begin with.

Not only that, but some sites may decide to move their server hosting to another country.  This will have an affect on jobs too.  Everything does.  Hosting your site here with an Irish host can help create or at the very least maintain jobs here.  No sites, no jobs.

There are options.

We could move our servers, save ourselves and say fuck it.

We could just pack it all in and be done with it.

I’d hate to do the first, purely because we shouldn’t have to outsource something like web hosting ffs.

I’d really hate to do the latter because I, and we really enjoy what we do here.  If we didn’t, we wouldn’t be doing it.  And even IF we have infringed on copyright in the past I doubt anyone could ever accuse us of doing it for financial or malicious gain.  We’re poor and we’re lovely.  Case in point.

I was amazed that a Junior minister could bring this into law without debate.

First off, he’s a JUNIOR minister.

Second, laws have to be at least debated and voted on, right?  Right?

Now he’s thrown us all a bone by saying he won’t sign it in without a debate.  Thing is though, he’s hinted that despite a debate it’ll be signed in regardless.  Which leaves me even more confused.  How can a JUNIOR minister threaten such things?

Before last week had anyone even heard of this little fucking upstart cunt?

I really hope he’s just trying to make a name for himself and that EMI have bought him some big boy suits to look fancy while he gave it a go.

So what can we do?

Well you can register your vote against it over at STOPSOPAIRELAND.com (At time of writing this, nearly 60,000 people have already voted)

You can also…
Ring the cunt responsible : 0877402057 / 022-53523
Email him: sean.sherlock@oireachtas.ie
Tweet him: @seansherlockTD
Snail-mail him: Davis Lane, Mallow, Co. Cork.

Oh, and it may look like we’re getting you to troll him, but his contact details are up there for everyone to see, we’re just letting you know all about them!

We’ve just about got 1700 of you lovely people on Facebook, so if this is the first you’re hearing of this whole thing and sign the petition that could be another 1700 names on the list.

Be sure to spread the word, signing the petition takes seconds and it could mean the difference between us and all your other favourite websites surviving.

We’ve put the word out to our mates around the Irish corner of the internet, but if we’ve missed anyone, or if you have your own site, blog, forum or whatever then get involved in anyway you can.  A banner, a graphic, a link, whatever.

It seems to be working already, he’s gone from saying it’ll pass, to saying he’ll debate it, to saying he won’t even sign it without a debate.

With enough online pressure, he won’t get the support he needs in the Dáil.

(Feel free to use anything from this page, we’ll make sure you don’t get sued)

Also check out the statement that PopcultureMonster.com have on their Facebook page, it’s pretty much what I have here, only worded much more betterly.

Let’s show this little cunt that they can take our lives, and our money and our banks and our future and our sense of self worth, but they’ll never TAKE OUR INTERNET!

To join us, PopcultureMonster and others, feel free to email me directly maxi@boob.ie to get involved.

Well there yiz are now.  I’ve loads of sexy stories to give you today because despite the SOPA and PIPA thing that’s been going on, it hasn’t stopped the internet.  Even if it went ahead it wouldn’t have stopped the filth on the net.

Here’s some of the more fun filth we found this week…

I had a motorcycle once.  I was bad ass.

Well as bad ass as someone can be on a 49cc Suzuki, but the women wanted me.  Dangerous things though, well proper bikes are anyway, you’ve more chance of crashing a bike than you have of getting a wet mickey off of Scarlett Johansson.  And I don’t like those odds.

Doesn’t stop some blokes though, and when a Southern California man broke his dick after a brutal motorcycle crash, he did what we do best in this part of the world: he sued the shit out of somebody.

Back in 2007, Matthew Wall was a newlywed badass riding his motorcycle to work when a shuttle bus decided to turn left right in front of him, abruptly stopping his forward momentum. While his helmet and leathers protected his brain and skin from damage, the sheer force of the impact crushed his pelvis. The aftermath of this injury was nerve damage and a loss of one and a half inches of pure dick.

Much like our disgusted looking buddy here, we can’t imagine having to lose well over 60% of our manhood.

Imagine how much charm and personality you’d have to create to compensate for that much of a loss.

Say what you will and listen to all the crap that women tell you about size not mattering, it matters properly.

I’m telling you, go search for a porn with a bloke/legend by the name of Mandingo.  Then observe the sheer look of fear on his co-star’s/dick pocket’s face when he reveals his monster dick from across the room.

Then go search for porn “men with tiny dicks”, and watch how they laugh.  That’s not acting purely because these girls couldn’t act their way out of a Fair City long pause.  They’re real reactions.

It makes it worse when the guy with the “tiny dick” actually has a couple of inches on you.

More proof?  The poor fucker’s wife dumped him after the accident.

So it’s no wonder that this Wall fella sued.

He got $7.5m too, so wasn’t really a bad day at all.  It won’t buy him happiness or a bigger mickey, but with the interest alone, he could hire some half decent hookers with half decent acting skills not to laugh at it while they give him a hand job with their thumbs and fore fingers.

Via

In fact, I’ll bet since the invention of the smartphone with wifi and 3G, giving yourself a treat in work stats have risen by about 400,000%.

I don’t deny that we may have contributed to such a result.

Anyway, you know how we hate women’s magazines here.  We don’t hold them with high regard for informative material.  The sort of magazines that will tell their readers how to bag a husband and how to cheat on them 8 pages later.  Not that we’re on a moral high ground, but if you’re going to have 4 pages of fat free recipes and preaching of how you have to start your diet now or they’ll be hosing you down to keep you alive if you even think about going near a beach, don’t have another 4 pages calling celebs anorexic.

So when Glamour magazine came out with a survey (Keep an eye out for our own honest sex survey coming soon) where men apparently answered completely honestly about where they wank.

Now, I’ve buttered the corn in a few places and in work too, so I’m not denying that it goes on.  In fact if you hadn’t planned on doing it in work today you’re either unemployed or have already done it.

According to the survey, 31% of men have burped the worm in the workplace.  Some may find it shocking that the figure is so high.  I find it shocking that 69% of men are lying cunts.

I’ve yet to do while driving yet though.  And according to the survey, 24% of men have mangled their midget in transit.  I find that impressive.  Sure it may be more dangerous than driving four times over the limit while taking a conference call, but imagine the rush.

I’d really like to know what the percentage of women wrinkling their fingers in work is, because it’s not like they don’t do it too!

I tell ya, when Vibratora kicks off this sex survey you’d better be honest, because I’m calling shenanigans on this Glamour one.

Go on, tell us where the strangest place you’ve ever gone fishin was.

Some sites like Askmen.com and Esquire will tell you that a real man has to make well thought out decisions in life and focus look at that usb stick that’s been on my desk for the last two weeks but now for some reason it’s the most important thing ever but not as important as custard.

I call bollox.

Let’s get down to the real reasons why it’s great to be a man.  Sure you can make decisions, but you can also assert your masculinity by naming your penis.

Sometimes we think it’d be good to be a woman, what with the boobs and lesbian thing and all.  But all the other stuff?  Nah, we like being able to park a Yaris like it wasn’t a fucking Panzer and chocolate doesn’t turn us from a snarling dragon to a purring kitty cat.

So here, the only definitive guide you’ll ever need to being a man.  Women you can pay attention here too, because when your man starts acting proper manly you’ve no excuse for nagging at him, he’s just being a man and making the most of what god gave him.

1.  Get the same job as a woman but get paid more.  This is particularly true for men whose profession involves having prostate glands and being able to hold a rational thought while bleeding.  That’s a bit sexist, isn’t it?

I’m sorry.  I’m sure with medical science the way it is these days that women can have prostate glands too.

2.  Get a new haircut, don’t want to end it all when no one notices.  Unlike women and Hercules, our powers don’t actually stem from our beaurriful, sometimes thinning locks.  We could go to the gayest friendliest of hairdressers, spend hundreds on it and then lash a swimming cap on it straight after for a length or two.

3.  Wedding plans take care of themselves.  Are you approaching the time when you should be getting married? Spend one day planning it and you’re done.  Invite the people you want to buy dinner for, because that’s what it boils down to.  You’re buying dinner for people.

Dress?  Ebay.

Venue?  Somewhere with a late bar.

Invites?  Facebook event.  You can time it, invite who you want and control the numbers.  Don’t want to have to invite that uncle who would have touched you if you were left with him unsupervised?  Fuck it, he’s not your friend on Facebook, leave him well alone.

All the other shite can be done with a few phone calls.  Ever watch “Don’t tell the bride”?  The blokes do in 4 weeks what women want to spend years doing.

4.  Hot wax never goes near your pubic area.  Unless it’s for kinky reasons.  But to wax off hair to make it look tidier?  What the fuck is it down there, a tidy towns competition?

5.  Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.  Unless it’s a force to be reckoned with like my money maker.  I don’t know how many interviewers’ hearts I’ve broken simply by backing out of a room instead of leaving in the traditional manner.

6.  Wrinkles add character.  Sorry ladies, but Botox is French for “Women will actually buy this shit, it’s crazy”.

7.  You never have to fake an orgasm.  Unless it’s with a fat chick who cries after she orgasms.

8.  You can open all your own jars.

9.  If another dude turns up at a party wearing the exact same thing, it might just be a sign from the universe that you are in fact BFF”s.  Only time when a high-five is permitted also.

10.  Colours are colours.  Just like what strips of plasticine use to look like.

For example.  Red is red.

Red is not maroon, auburn, burgundy, wine, brick, carmine or any other wanky name.

And in the interest of fairness and to stop the feminists beating us up with their worn out dildos, here’s some reasons why it’s better to be a woman:

1.  You’re first in line off the sinking Titanic.

2.  If you’re dumb, it’s cute.

3.  You can wear our clothes and you look good.  Men look ridiculous in women’s clothes.  Sometimes.

4.  Men die first.  But that gives us more time on the lesbian cloud in heaven before you turn up to ruin it.

5.  Women never lust after a cartoon character or the central female character in a video game.  That’s not a reason, I just don’t get it.

QT Ellis is an Australian Jazz Ballet dancer/singer and she’s got her own Youtube channel.  It just features her dancing around and looking all freaky like she’s trying to distract you while the cult elders come and kidnap your children.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Yeah, we would too.

But she’d probably eat your soul for afters.

Moving swiftly on…

After all, we’ve got a few female writers, and a few male writers and they all seem to get along fine and leave each other to do their own thing, but no more!

Rebecca Loos. Google "David Beckham with boobs" and this is what comes up. Even photoshopped and shit, she looks better than Victoria Beckham on her best photoshopped day.

I’m pitting every one against each other, because when it gets down to it we don’t like each other.

Men only like women because they’re pretty and smell nice and have boobs. Kind of like David Beckham with boobs.

Women only like men because we have penises. (Note to self, finish that piece on why strap ons are a real threat to our very existence)

We can’t live together. If you do, you put up with the crap so that it becomes part of your routine.

Or you snap after a month, kill your partner and bury her under neath her wardrobe that’s full of shoes still with the tags on.

But I digress.

This is simply to highlight each sex’s shortcomings from the opposite point of view so that we may better ourselves and each other.

That’s all.

It’s in no way designed to have a passive aggressive jab at that bitch you live with.

First up, myself and Kitty from Red Lemonade will start as randomly as the series will plan to continue –

The Ritual of the Shower.

I could do the male ritual, but that’s no fun.

So here’s, from a man’s point of view –

How to shower like a woman:

Take off clothing and place each item in its own sanctioned laundry basket. See man’s clothes on the laundry area of the floor. Tutt audibly.

Despite the fact that you’re going to be naked in about 7 seconds and you’re only moving about 12 feet, put on a giant dressing gown.

Chocolate or poop? Probably just the latest female beauty body scrub. Nutella with sand in it.

If you see himself along the way, be sure to cover up any exposed areas. He’s seen you naked a million times, but on the way to the shower is off limits.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror, grin when you think of how much power your boobs and giney have over your man. Then manufacture the notion that you have wrinkles, cellulite, grey hair and put a plan together that would make a Bridget Jones montage cringe.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, arse cloth, one of those things that looks like mesh on a string and a pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins and a secret blend of herbs and spices. Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red and you look like you’ve just been taken out of a hole in someone’s basement.

Rinse conditioner off. Shave your armpits and legs. Be sure as always, to time this with the exact day that himself has bought new blades for his Pro Fusion that he was looking forward to using but will now slice his jugular upon contact.

Take the shower cleaning spray bottle out of its place and leave it somewhere that it can be seen to try and guilt himself into cleaning it after himself. It’s a bum move, he’ll just think you did it and not bother.

Get the biggest, driest and fluffiest towel from a fabric softener commercial set you could steal and pat yourself dry.

Get a bigger one and wrap it around your head.

Leave both wringing wet towels on the radiator/towel rack for him to use. Tell him they’re clean and that he shouldn’t be such a bitch just because he wants a dry towel after his shower too.

Return to the bedroom wearing the same long dressing gown as before, and the Peru sized towel on your head, a pair of his socks (probably the pink wooly ones you got him for Christmas that he wasn’t going to wear anyway, but that’s not the point) and slippers.

Same rule as before applies about covering up every square inch of skin.

You’re not a free show after all.

I could get into the post shower ritual, but you’ve all got things to be doing. I won’t keep you for another two hours.

Let’s see what kind of exaggerated nonsense Kitty has made up because she realises I’m right about everything anyway….

]]> http://boob.ie/2012/01/men-and-women-in-the-shower/feed/ 0 http://boob.ie/2012/01/a-woman-with-two-vaginas/ http://boob.ie/2012/01/a-woman-with-two-vaginas/#comments Fri, 13 Jan 2012 10:30:47 +0000 Maxi http://boob.ie/?p=42742 First off, we don’t watch a lot of day time telly round these parts.

Well maybe some of us do while we “babysit” our own kids, but apart from that, daytime tv is usually shite.

It’s that reason that we had this tip off emailed to us.

So obviously some of you are watching daytime tv.  Read us instead, dammit!

Anyhoo, onto the headline that got you here because you’re a pervert with one thing on your mind.

Hazel Jones, 27, is a normal girl only with one small difference…she has two “fully-formed” vaginas.

Jones suffers from uterus didelphys, a condition that “occurs when a barrier between two tubes that form the uterus fails to break down during development, leaving two internal channels.” In short, she’s got two fully functional sets of ladyparts. She even claims that she lost her virginity twice.

Click here to view the embedded video.

I guarantee that it’s only a matter of time before the Pornhub network contacts this woman to do some nasty shit.  Or at the very least she’ll get a job sitting beside a naked Angel Long on Television X in between programs trying not to look ashamed of herself.

Or the lads mags will jump on and have her posing with stuffed cats, maybe two of them.  Y’know, double pussies.  Or two squeezy pots of honey.  Y’know, honey pots – double pussies.  Or  two vibrators because of her two vaginas.

How original.

Oh wait, Bizarre have already done that.

(Click for big)

So the interview on ITV daytime telly has done more for her than a shoot in a magazine that specialises in the weird and erm, well, bizarre.

Never mind all that malarkey, I’d have just cast her in a new Bodyform telly ad with the shouty singer chick doing it in harmony.

Click here to view the embedded video.