Two Boobs Good, Four Boobs Better!

You know what the difference between us and Lynx?  No, it’s not the amount of money they have, the global following and the professional demeanour.

It’s that when they ask 150 people to get into a shower together, they have to turn people away (we imagine anyway).  We have to pretend not to be home when the fuzz come knocking with a cease and desist order. Read More

Now, this is not a women’s site, if it was then the title would be followed by a 89 word article which would read: Read More

By now, you’ve all seen this.

If you haven’t, you will.  Despite it going viral and RTE receiving requests to take it down, which they did, it was bound to surface again. Read More

I thought it was a joke, but about an hour ago, a friend of mine sent me an email, which quite simply read: Read More

Friend? a rocking band that have been called “a force to be reckoned with.”

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We did a piece on The Dead Flags way back when, here. It was a big hit, probably because they’re awesome!

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I used to watch the Krypton Factor religiously when I was a kid….well, when I say religiously, I didn’t watch it with my hand down an altar boys trousers or while worshipping a floaty, beardy, baddie botherer.

Let’s try it again.

I used to watch the Krypton Factor when I was a kid (that’s better) and my favourite part was always the obstacle course.  Watching all these people zoom down ziplines, crawling over cargo-nets and up high on balance beams was something I always wanted to do.

Now, thanks to the people at the Adventure Weekend and my newest bestest friends at Blink PR, I am going to be able to live that dream, multiplied by a billion.  And we are giving away two tickets to lucky readers every day for the next week.

Imagine the Kryton Factor assault course on steroids, with a case of elephantitis, after putting on weight, after being put in a super futuristic growing machine, with an erection.  THAT’S half of how big the Adventure Weekend is going to be.

Skydiving and walking tightropes without the fear of hurtling to your death, Having a shot in Rage Buggies, firing off rounds using Airsoft rifles without the fear of someone shooting you in the sack.  Plus a hell of a lot more!

The Adventure Weekend is a 3 day event in the RDS, from 20^th to 22^nd May, highlighting the best Ireland has to offer in outdoor and adventure activities.over 25 different activities – including zip lining, zorbing, rage buggies and a vertical wind tunnel

• Try over 25 different activities – including zip lining, zorbing, rage buggies and a vertical wind tunnel
• See death defying stunts in the Demo Zone
• Talk to adventure experts at The Outsider Think Tank
• Meet leading providers in the adventure industry, get advice, test the latest gear in the Exhibition Zone

To be in with a chance of winning, simply email me at [email protected] with your name, address and telephone number and put “ADVENTURE WEEKEND” in the subject field.  Two tickets will be given out each day and winners will be notified.  Entries are limited to one per person per day.

For more information on the event, go to www.theadventureweekend.ie and check out everything that you can try out!

Well just when we thought it was getting old, Mr Sheen keeps on keeping on with the crazy.  We sent out an email to his people last week, it was a bit of a longshot, but we gave it a go. Read More

I have already put the world to rights, or at least I thought I had.  It’s just as well I left it open for a sequel.

Men the world over are letting the fucking side down and I have got to do something about it.  WE have got to do something about it.

I simply will not stand for anymore of it.  Here you’ll find another list of what some “men” are getting up to, it must stop.

11.  Thou shalt not count calories

Ladies -  This is how a man should look.  If you’re man isn’t man enough to look like this before you know it he’ll be raiding the tampons and gorging on Special K.  Is that what you want?

Men – if your woman ever looks at you and mutters “Do you really need a straw in that gravy?”, you should fight back.  Never resort to violence, for we are more cunning than that.  Simply turn the tables and respond with “Fuck you, you fat cunt”.  It’s all about subtle psychology.  If she still gets upset it’s only because she’d have to spend a fortune on surgery to get tits like yours.

12.  Thou shalt not use internet speak such as “OMG”, “LOL”, “semi colon dash close bracket” in everyday actual face to face conversation

I swear to holy jeebus that I actually witnessed two grown men using these phrases while talking to each other in a coffee shop the other day.  They were both wearing suits, both were not taking the piss, both were talking about their wives and kids.  If I wasn’t so disgusted at their behaviour I would have wrestled them to the ground and slowly dragged my sweaty scrotum across their top lips.  Having said that they probably would have tweeted the whole fucking thing while rofl-ing.  Cunts.

13.  Thou shalt not watch soaps

No one cares if Phil Mitchell is fucking Vera Duckworth, or what any loser character on Fair City is up to.  Next time I see a man sitting down to an omnibus of Emmerdale Farm with a nice cup of tea I’ll send Twink over to drag her sweaty scrotum over their faces.  I would threaten to dip their nuts into a cup of electrified leprosy, but any man who is up to speed on any of these programmes traded in their marbles for a nice comfy vagina a long time ago.

Oh, and if you ever need another reason not to watch soaps, wrap your eyeballs around this beauty.

14.  Thou shalt not drink cocktails

Does he look manly?  No, he looks so precious and innocent.  At night when he’s helped all of his female friends pick up the men he’s been eyeing up all night, he goes home and cries himself to sleep while wanking over Telly Bingo on the Sky Plus.  He hates himself, his mixed drinks do little to shield his mixed past and emotions from the world no matter how many colours or umbrellas-ellas-ellas he loads in there.  Poignant?  No, gay.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

And TGI Friday’s do a marvellous Barnamint Baileys.

15.  Thou shalt not be fashion conscious

Gok Wan is a cunt.  There he is there in the middle and he looks more feminine than any of those women.   I know he’s gay and outer than an out house, but still.  Either way, he’s surrounded by a circle of naked women and he’s more concerned with his designer glasses and custom made shirt.  Ironic that he should have a program called “How to look good naked” when I bet he looks like a giant shaven quim with no clothes on.  Be honest Gok, and call the program “How not to look like a furry burger”, because you’d be taking your own advice by not wearing those hideous glasses, bitch.  Oh and the one on the right looks like Alan Carr.