Two Boobs Good, Four Boobs Better!

#8  The Spooge-Meister

Is it boobs and cock or bug-eyes and nose? You decide.

How it’s done (according to Cookie):

“Normally the guy would mount the woman so they’re face to face, for a good ol tit wank, but what the guy does is sits on her face, facing away from her, so while she’s giving him some good rimming he’s getting his tit wank, if all goes well she’s get a belly button full of spooge from the balls that are now positioned over his spooge snake”

Cookie, you dirty little minx. Ladies of Ireland, take note.
Send your crudely drawn sex pics to us here: [email protected] and you’ll be in with the chance to win a €50 voucher courtesy of Sex-Toys.ie, Ireland’s leading online sex-shop.

#7 The Frostbitten Fanny

Frosty the snowman was a jolly, happy soul. It's easy to see why.

We didn’t receive instructions on how this position might be carried out, but we imagine that it must be:

a) Done outdoors.

b) During winter.

c) With a snowman.

The woman here looks awfully happy considering Frosty’s wang must be getting smaller and smaller by the second. Must be something to do with the size of his “snowballs”! Ba dum bum… Ok, I should really kill myself for that one.

Keep those entries coming in. March’s best entry wins a €50 for Sex-Toys.ie, Ireland’s #1 online shop for sex supplies, dildos, costumes and more!

#6 The Bungee

Submitted by Anonymous

DO YOU LIKE SEX?

DO YOU LIKE TOYS?

THEN YOU’RE GONNA LOVE SEX-TOYS.IE!

Think you can draw better? Of course you can, a retarded monkey can draw more life-like images than this. But we’re not providing a gallery of fine art here, we want to see your most pitiful attempts at depicting cartoon porn. To stimulate your artistic inability, we’ve teamed up with Sex-Toys.ie to give you the chance to win a €50 voucher for their online store each month.

Whether it’s a rampant rabbit or a swedish penis-enlarging pump (complete with personalised manual) you’re after, Sex-Toys.ie have everything you need to turn your crudely drawn sex pics into crudely drawn reality. To enter this great competition, simply sketch up your own crudely drawn sex positions, commit them to digital paper and email them to us at: [email protected]

Who makes Steve Gutenberg a star? We do, we do...

How it’s done:

• Grab your partners’ strangely oversized legs and suspend them mid-air.
• Shlip in the big lad.
• Watch as your own hideously deformed legs buckle under the pressure.

DO YOU LIKE SEX?

DO YOU LIKE TOYS?

THEN YOU’RE GONNA LOVE SEX-TOYS.IE!

Think you can draw better? Of course you can, a retarded monkey can draw more life-like images than this. But we’re not providing a gallery of fine art here, we want to see your most pitiful attempts at depicting cartoon porn. To stimulate your artistic inability, we’ve teamed up with Sex-Toys.ie to give you the chance to win a €50 voucher for their online store each month.

Whether it’s a rampant rabbit or a swedish penis-enlarging pump (complete with personalised manual) you’re after, Sex-Toys.ie have everything you need to turn your crudely drawn sex pics into crudely drawn reality. To enter this great competition, simply sketch up your own crudely drawn sex positions, commit them to digital paper and email them to us at: [email protected]

#4 – Fuck Face

Ikea® beds. Guaranteed 100% Swedish-made shite.

How you do it:

• Find a face.
• Fuck it.
• Get partner’s paradoxically impossible legs checked out.

#3 – The Bitch

submitted by The Jelly Monster

The storyboard for "The Crying Game" wasn't very elaborate

How it’s done:

• She gets her favourite over-sized belt attachment.
• The man bends over and thinks of a happy place
• The woman takes out her frustrations while repeating “Shut up and take it bitch”
• The man dies a little inside.

Fancy yourself as a bit of an erotic artist? Send your crudely drawn sex pix to us at: [email protected]

#2 Leap FrogHow it’s done:

• Get the missus (or the mistur, this pozish is homo-friendly) to squat down on all fours like like a froggy.
• Choose your port of entry and slip in the dog.
• Hop around, you’re doin the leap frog!

After Chernobyl, sex just wasn't the same for Ivana and Kryzstof.

How to do it:

• Lay your woman on the edge of the bed.
• Kneel down beside the bed and lift her legs over your shoulders.
• Lob it in there boss! Better hurry, or she’ll clobber you with that extra foot she’s got where her left hand should be.