I’m telling you guys the best way to pick up chicks is make them think you have a kid, and that their mother is an angry drunk who’s always at the pub and that’s why you always take little Tommy everywhere with you, and all you want is to be loved! It’s like spraying “Sex Panther” on you.

While I was with Tommy singing Happy Birthday and I started pissing myself laughing at the fat kid trying so hard to blow the candles out when all he was really thinking about was making love to the cake.

Having laughed and fooled around with the single moms for the whole day I started feeling bad for Tommy so I brought him back to the rent a kid drop off zone.

The whole thing made me think about this…

Click here to view the embedded video.

Then I started clicking on all the related videos on YouTube and found these, I’m still laughing at them!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Click here to view the embedded video.

The laugh on that guy cracks me up!

Well lads if you’re bored this weekend rent a kid and hit up your nearest Mothercare for some yummy mummy minge.

But this is happy.

Nah, there’s no Georgia Salpa sex tape.

Never was, and (probably) never will be.  Who knows?

But seeing as you’re here, you might as well do something about that Friday after noon boredom and play a flash game about falling in love with a zombie.

Oh, and PSYCHE!

But it’s all your own fault for continuing to search for Georgia Salpa’s boobs.  (We see all the search history)

In 1939 they tried once more, but by 1945 they had failed once again.

In 2008, the world went to shit and with it Europe. A plan was hatched and in 2012, Germany are once again trying to rule Europe.

OK, so my history is a little ropey and my grasp of politics is not the best, but surely others out there find it ironic that a country that brought the world to war twice is now firmly in control of Europe and all without firing a bullet!

And learn from the experts.

After all, if you were going to enjoy some sauseege, you’d know how to do it, because you know how you like it done to you.

Think about that for a minute, just in case you’re ever in a hostage situation and the only way out is to suck your way out.

Oh dearie me.

So what got everyone in such a bother? Here’s the team;

Goalkeepers -  Joe Hart (Manchester City), Rob Green (West Ham) , John Ruddy (Norwich)

Defenders - Leighton Baines (Everton), Gary Cahill (Chelsea), Ashley Cole (Chelsea), Glen Johnson (Liverpool), Phil Jones (Manchester United), Joleon Lescott (Manchester City), John Terry (Chelsea).

Midfielders - Gareth Barry (Manchester City), Stewart Downing (Liverpool), Steven Gerrard (Liverpool), Frank Lampard (Chelsea , Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain (Arsenal), Scott Parker (Spurs) , Theo Walcott (Arsenal), Ashley Young (Manchester United), James Milner (Manchester City)

Forwards - Andy Carroll (Liverpool), Jermain Defoe (Spurs), Wayne Rooney (Manchester United), Danny Welbeck (Manchester United)

On Standby – Jack Butland GK (Birmingham City), Phil Jagielka (Everton), Jordan Henderson (Liverpool), Adam Johnson (Manchester City), Daniel Sturridge (Chelsea)

It had been leaked the night before that Rio Ferdinand had not been called up to the England squad. Rumours are still rife that this is because of the racism row and court case that sees John Terry faces charges from Rio’s brother Anton. Hodgson confirmed that Rio was out for footballing reasons, it had been speculated that Rio might struggle now with playing a game every four days. Still it seemed a bit harsh on someone whose 14 year England career seems to have ended in a phone call on Tuesday night.

Again on Tuesday night before the squad was announced twitter was full of rumours, I even saw names like David Beckham (ahh swoon) and Joe Cole amongst the names flittered about. They were both not in the final squad announced, however the ones in that most people were talking about on the social networks were;

John Ruddy – I didn’t read anything negative towards his call up. He has been impressive for Norwich but he’s unlikely to be called upon, Joe Hart will be our No 1. I’m looking forward to having Hart in goal for the tournament, an in-form goalie… WOW!

Terry/Ferdinand – This debate will forever rage on for a while yet I’m afraid.

Johnson over Richards – Baffled me a bit I’ll admit… moving on quickly!

DOWNING! – Poor Stewart. He was the major talking point of twitter over his inclusion to the squad after a season at Liverpool bringing him NO GOALS and NO ASSISTS. Bless him. Aaron Lennon was the one most people would have liked to see in his place however Downing is left footed so there’s the reason for his inclusion. Ah to be a lefty

The Ox – Oxlade Chamberlain’s call-up was even more bizarre after Hodgson said “ I was very impressed with how he coped with Ambrosini and Pirlo in the middle against Milan.” Ambrosini was injured and Pirlo plays for Juventus, oopsies. I like “The Ox” as he’s been nicknamed but it seems perhaps a tournament too soon… prove me wrong!

No Carrick? – His omission was odd but was cleared up later that he didn’t want to play a bit part ie. subs bench.

The striker situation – Yikes! Just 4? With Rooney suspended for the opening two games that leaves Welbeck, Carroll and Defoe. I’d prefer a 5th striker included, Sturridge is on standby but I felt sorry for Grant Holt and Danny Graham who had netted goals in the Premiership but were over-shadowed by other “big” names. Also I’d have taken Peter Crouch over Carroll

Earlier in the week it was announced that Gary Neville, former Manchester United defender and now Sky Sports pundit would be joining the coaching staff. A very shrewd piece of business that seemed to get fans spirits up a bit which might have fallen a bit with the squad announcement.

England football is always a mighty tug of war, fans have been so disinterested in recent years and Hodgson does face an uphill task with turning around that view. There’s just three weeks until the Euro’s start…

Here’s the Ireland squad line up.

I’ll be doing some write-ups on England and Ireland’s group competitors soon. So stay turned on in

Nice economical cars like Fiestas and Ibizas and Polo’s and such other stuff.

I even saw a Porsche knocking around that’s within my budget, but that’s not for me.

Even if I did have my eye on it though, I can’t imagine that I’d do anything too over the top with it.

Not like some crowd called Wheelsandmore who got their hands on a Lambo and made it look like something Willy Wonka would get in a mid life crisis.

They’ve decided to put their skills to good use and refine one of the finest supercars on the market right now, the wonderful Lamborghini Aventador, and the result is truly breathtaking. They even called the finished car ‘Rabbioso’ which translates to ‘angry’ in English.

First up, they’ve revamped the car’s looks with an eye catching Mocha Brown paint finish and a brand new set of bespoke, 20″ forged wheels wrapped in high performance tires from Pirelli with low profile. The wheels also carry the same mocha-brown finish as the car’s body and are complemented by a matte black wheel center.

Yeah, if Morph won the lotto.

Click here to view the embedded video.

I know, I’ve gone on about this quite a bit, but it’s not my fault, they just keep releasing more stuff to whet out appetites for the upcoming (and highly anticipated, not just by me either) return of Ridley Scott to the franchise he created.

A few weeks ago, they released a viral video that was an advertisement from The Weyland Corporation selling their androids, with Michael Fassbender.

But they’re still going!

First up is the latest international teaser poster, that some are saying includes possible plot spoilers.

I don’t know about spoilers, it shows a ship crashing into an alien ship.  But this is a film set in space, with aliens.

Next is the latest viral clip they’ve released which is another fake Prometheus crew personnel file report.

Click here to view the embedded video.

If everything is so advanced, what’s with all the flickering video?

Until next time…

So here it is.

It’s grainy and it’s obviously shot on a camera phone from inside a cinema, but god love those pesky pirates, they know what we want to see.

Click here to view the embedded video.

I’m giddy.

Share it around before it gets taken down, as it has a few times already.