It, is in fact a she, and what a she!

Alex Sim Wise is Front’s resident model and sexy chick.  Not only does she keep account of all her sexy goings on over the month, but she’s also their video game reviewer.

Well actually I suspect that they just put her name on the PR reviews they copy and paste from emails because she highly recommended Duke Nukem Forever calling it the awesome-est game ever, a month before it had come out and when no other magazine (including sector leading game magazines) had even gotten a preview copy of them.

Ah well, maybe I’m wrong.

Be honest though, you’re not interested in her video game opinions, you’re interested in her pictures.

Let’s check out a video of Alex as a sexy nurse in a Bizarre covershoot, oooh a hot redheaded nurse to take care of me and help me cure my man-flu (yes I still have it, and yes I’m still bitching and moaning about it!)

Click here to view the embedded video.

Now let’s get on with the sexy pics.

Launched in the newly re-opened Lighthouse Cinema in Smithfield (which is a stones throw away from the Jameson Distillery), the beautiful people were out in force and we were treated to music from Dublin band The Minutes and plied with copious amounts of Jameson, which of couse, I drank responsibly, as per all the ads.

Highlights of the 2012 programme were revealed on the night, with special guests confirmed to attend the Festival in February including Al Pacino (Wilde Salomé), Glenn Close (Albert Nobbs), Mark Wahlberg (Contraband), Martin Sheen (Stella Days), Michael Madsen (Jameson Cult Film Club screening of Resevoir Dogs), Kenneth Lonergan (Margaret), Whit Stillman (Damsels in Distress), Marjane Satrapi (Chicken With Plums) and Agnieszka Holland (In Darkness).

The festival will open with a Gala Presentation of Thom Fitzgerald’s comedy Cloudburst, starring one of Ireland’s own Brenda Fricker, and will close with Ian Fitzgibbon’s acclaimed drama Death of a Superhero.   Between these two films, audiences can go on a journey across the world and back, with over 130 films to transport you to another time or place, or to cast an eye back on reality with fascinating documentaries.

For those of you who aren’t aware of the festival, where the hell have you been?   It has been on the go for a decade!!  If you are even remotely interested in film, this is an event that cannot be missed.  The phrase “there’s something for everyone” is bandied about far too often these days, but this is one occasion that justifies the statement.

Regardless of whether you are a fan of independent art-house films, classic golden oldies, thrillers, comedies or anything in-between, there is something in the schedule that  will float your proverbial boat.  With a plethora of films and genres to choose from over the 11 days,  we aren’t saying that every film will be to your taste (there is a film called “Salmon Fishing in Yemin”, so…..yeah!), but you are guaranteed to find at least one film you want to see.

If I had to pick my own personal festival highlights, they would be:

Not our usual titillating attempt, but an actual picture from "Turn me on God dammit"

• the screening of the original (and best) Batman, with Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson instead of Husky Voice and Dead Aussie.
• the screening of the timeless Reservoir Dogs
• the norwegian film called Turn Me on Goddamit (this picture alone piqued my interest)
• the RTE Orchestra performing the songs of Danny Elfman (Batman, Nightmare before Christmas, Beetlejuice etc) in the National Concert Hall

There’s far too many films and events to list here, but you can check all the details out for yourself by downloading the festival guide pdf from the official site , their facebook page and their Twitter.  Tickets for the festival are on sale now and the addresses and opening times for the cinemas involved are below.

If you are interested in film, you owe it to yourself to go and see at least one screening or event this year.  Go on, and tell them Paddy from Boob.ie sent you.

Click here to view the embedded video.

It’s no secret that I know as much about sport as Madonna knows about ageing gracefully.  So I’ll spare you my thoughts on the game.  A wise decision given that I didn’t even watch the fucking thing.

Why?

Because it’s also no secret that I have as much interest in watching sport as Madonna has in returning to the hive for good.

But I did set up the best site this country has to offer, so it’s part of my duty to supply you with some of the sexy videos that come along with such sporting events.

Adriana Lima is a hot model from the Americas (Brazil if I’m not mistaken) and she was hired by a couple of companies to promote their  products during the commercial breaks of the Superbowl.

The first of which that we’ll feature is teleflora.com promoting Valentine’s day by telling us fellas that if we give, we shall receive.  Yeah right, I’ve fallen for that one before.

They should have just called this ad – “Sexy lingerie model puts on lingerie, eye fucks the camera and then wanks you off with an exotic accent”.  Would have been much more accurate.

Cool though.

Click here to view the embedded video.

The next one is for Kia.

It has Adriana in a onesie bikini thingy and has her waving a checkered flag for FIVE FUCKING HOURS.  In the wise words of shitty animatronic Yoda – “Shit not you do I, young grasshopper”.  Or maybe I’m mixing my references up.  You get the idea.

Seriously, 5 hours.  Scroll on, she’s still doing the same thing.

I can’t even imagine how long it took for that to upload to Youtube.

Click here to view the embedded video.

You don’t need to hang on here to watch it, just do what I did and set it to your screen saver so that you’ll always have something awesome on.

There are men that are so epic that every man, at least once, wishes he could be him for a day.

I’m gonna share my list with you, so let’s get going before you get distracted by a picture of a juicy set of boobs, just remember the boobs will still be there, but then again this piece will also still be here, ok go wan go look at the boobs and get back here quick!

Ok your back; let’s get this list on, like Oscar Pistorius puts on his legs, one at a time.

Clint Eastwood: This man oozes manliness, if he was any manlier his man gravity would create a black hole that would devour every vagina in the universe.

Clint is the only man who can make looking like a shaved ball sack cool and “well do ya, punk?” a threat and not a bad camp chat up line.

Although Clint is a great actor and a hardcore bad ass he is an incredibly talented director and composer, you heard me ladies, he writes and performs beautiful music. Clint should be an inspiration to men everywhere; he shows us we can be grumpy and rough while also having a beautiful, yet manly, spirit.

Bruce Lee: I don’t think anything needs to be said here, a picture of him would be enough.

Bruce is one super cool kick ass man. We all know Bruce lee was epic, his abs alone could kick my ass around the Great Wall of China, but he was an incredible philosopher and profound thinker. His philosophy was not just about fighting, it could be applied to life, “don’t get set into one form, adapt it and build your own, and let it grow, be like water. Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless — like water. Now you put water in a cup, it becomes the cup; you put water into a bottle it becomes the bottle; you put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend!” Come on, when was the last time any of you had a thought this deep and profound? The deepest thing most men think about is a vagina.

Starring: Woody Harrelson, Sigourney Weaver and Ice Cube

Directed by:  Oren Moverman

Release Date: 10^th Feb 2012

Woody Harrelson is probably the most under-rated actors in Hollywood today.  He can turn his hand to all genres and excel in them all.  He has played some of my favourite characters ever commited to celuloid, Mickey Knox in Natural Born Killers and Roy Munson in Kingpin.  He has come a long way from playing the dim but loveable bartender in Cheers.  How will he fare with his role in his most recent film Rampart.

The police are trying to clean up their act and improve their reputation, but this goes against the way that Dave Brown operates.  Randomly beating innocent people and making up charges as he feels like it are just another day on the beat for him.  Things take a dramatic turn for the worse though, when he is caught on tape delivering a savage beatdown to a suspect.  It’s not long before the media are all over this, his police-station is getting inundated with protesters and a member of the District Attorney’s office is forced to examine exactly what is happening in the Rampart precinct.

His home life is no laughing matter either.  He has inexplicably managed to have married  two sisters (Anne Heche & Cynthia Nixon) and fathered a daughter with each of them.  They all live within an arms length of each other in a unusual and very hostile environment.  Dave Brown is unlikeable to the extreme, never mind being unlovable.  This doesn’t stop him trying to bed both ex wives and pick up other random strangers (one of which turns out to be an extremely emotionally unstable Defence Attorney)

The fact that his murky past comes to light adds to the pressure that Dave is under.  Years previous to being caught on film, Dave had killed an alleged rapist and had gotten away with it.  Everyone knows that he did it, but nobody can prove it.  This has led to him being given the nickname “Date-Rape” by his lesbian daughter and colleagues.

All his years in the force he has been used to using any nefarious means at his disposal to get whatever result he wanted.  In his world, this was the only way he knew to do things.  Now he looks to be the perfect scapegoat for everything that is wrong with the LAPD This film tries to capture the downward spiral of a man who has his world taken away from him.

Despite the fact that I have concentrated on Woody Harrelson’s performance in this review (having said that, he is in EVERY scene), there are a ton of fantastic supporting turns in this film.  Sigourney Weaver, Steve Buscemi and Robin Wright deserve special mentions for parts they play but realistically, they are all outshone by Woody Harrelson.

Director Oren Moverman needed to make this as grim and as realistic for this film to succeed and, while he didn’t exactly hit a home run, he has made a really good film.  In certain scenes, there is an undercurrent of dark humour which made me laugh (although I seemed to be the only one in the cinema laughing.  Maybe that says more about me than it does about the film).  There’s also a nice juxtoposition between the brightness of Los Angeles and the dark and seedy exploits of Date Rape Dave.

There are a couple of scenes that could have done without the self indulgent “artistic” camera work, (I hate that in a film) and sometimes the pacing seems a little off kilter, but overall, it’s negatives are outweighed by it’s positives.

If you liked Bad Lieutenant, you will love this.

Pros:  Woody Harrelson’s performance is fantastic, great supporting cast, extremely dark humour.

Cons: May be a bit to grim for some people, some may find it more draining than entertaining.

If This Film Was a Woman It Would Be: Elizabeth Fritzl – Depressing, but you will enjoy it.

8/10

Time Spent Demo 2011

This band was brought to my attention by a friend of mine who, knowing about my love of punk rock, said that I would probably really like these.  Well he wasn’t wrong! Although its only a demo it is still very good.

The band have managed to create lyrics that are easy to relate to and a catchy sound.  Musically it is want you would expect from a punk rock band, loud in-your-face and fast!  Sure the opening track Berkeley St. is less than a minute long but has a great opening riff.  Stand out track, Absent Friends, has a sense of urgency and has a really catchy chorus, as I discovered when I was still singing it the following day after only one listen.

It is obvious that Time Spent draw influence from the likes of Sunny Day Real Estate, Story so Far and The Wonder Years but they manage to put their own spin on the genre and create something that is accessible to fans of these bands yet completely their own.

Iano Kelly (vocalist) has a very unique voice that you will either love or hate while Rob Flynn and Ben Maloney (guitars) play off each other very well creating interesting riffs with a nice balance between rhythm and lead.  It doesn’t seem like anything was forced on the ep, all comes across as very natural.

The band already have the material for the next release written, the date of which is still not set.  Expect to hear more from these on the Dublin punk scene as they have potential.

You can download the E.P. here.  Show them some love on Facebook, here and follow them on Twitter @TimeSpentIRE

Download: The whole lot! Sure it’s free like.

7/10 on the Boobie Meter

Born July 29, 1987 in Miami, Florida, USA. Miss Rodriguez is fairly new to the scene and has only started to grab the attention of others, as you will all see soon enough.

You may have noticed her if you have seen the new movie in cinema’s Man on the Ledge, according to TheDunne she was probably the best thing about that movie. She has also appeared several times in the show Entourage. Not much else to be said about her so on to the pictures.

Enjoy!

You and me could sit down with a pen and paper and chronicle every second in film history when an actress got naked or at least topless and it would be creepy.

Not Mr Skin though, because even though he’s got greased hair and a creepy smile, you just can’t judge him.

After all, he does some great work.

Like showing us that while actresses get picky with their roles as they get older, when they’re still trying to be taken seriously, that usually involves showing off the lovelies.

Drew Barrymore and Salma Hayek have some great lovelies, and Salma even shares them with another lady friend in this clip.

Behold…

Until next week…