Boob.ie

Adebisi Shank - This Is A Review Of An Album By A Band Called Adebisi Shank

Ronald Raygun — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 22:35:48 +0000

Beep. Plink. Beep beep bop.

Beep plink plinky plinky plinky plinky

DE NENE NENE NENENSHFUCKING YEEEAHHHHMOTHERFUCKER DENENENENENNENEEEEENNNNN!!!

That’s how it starts. The best opening to any album I have ever heard.

And it goes on like that. Until the end. It’s like the album is so good that it’s laughing at you, and you want to laugh along.

Then you want to get up and dance, and smash some shit up, and laugh some more and stick a plastic bag on your head and run around for a bit.

There’s riffs here that would make AC/DC shit themselves, and keyboards that would scare the fuck out of the Prodigy.

It sounds like ELO having amphetimine fuelled sex with an Atari 2600 while listening to Kraftwerk. I mean that as the greatest compliment that I can pay to a band.

Look at that cover for God’s sake.

IT’S TWO ZEBRAS RUNNING AROUND IN TRON!!

Christ, I’m listening to ‘Micromachines’ now and it reminds me of the White Stripes, Daft Punk, Redneck Manifesto and Michael Jackson all at once.

My music muscle is literally ERECT.

Fucking brilliant. This is what all music should sound like.

Listen here and buy it now from Tower Records or download it here for a fiver.

10/10

Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh

Freezer pervert - What's hot and what's not

Maxi — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 11:56:03 +0000

What’s hot

Jennifer Ellison

What ever happened to Jennifer? Once upon a time she was in every lads mag around, and calendars and less than reputable websites that would feature “genuine” nude pictures of her. Now she’s starring in washing powder adverts trying to understand why another former soap actor has bumped uglies with her sister and her ma. I’d say it’s to do with the fact that there’s probably a strong family resemblance. Put it this way, if her brother and her da looked like her, they’d be in trouble too.

Come back Jen!

Holding up queues

Sure, being in a queue that doesn’t move is more frustrating than a screaming hot bisexual nun. But being the one holding the queue up gives me a horn I could bludgeon a lion and a grizzly bear to death with.

It actually nearly pushes me over the edge to hear sighs from behind when I say “Oh, and while I’m here…”

Rainbows

What’s that? I can hear Paddy making some kind of homosexual joke right now. But I’m not talking about the majestic colours and romantic feeling in the air when one appears. I smile inside thinking about a little leprechaun hiding at the end of it with his crock of gold that he won’t share with anyone, like an Anglo banker. Then I ponder. Sure, he’s rich but is he truly happy?

Living in a house made of majestic colours and romantic feelings, who wouldn’t, right?

Pete Versus Life

If you haven’t yet caught onto this gem of a sitcom, you should. It’s just brilliant. It’s the best comedy on Channel 4 since Father Ted. And no, we haven’t been told by some PR company to plug it, I think it’s genuinely mega and have it on a Sky reminder. You should too.

If you have the time, sit back and catch the entire first episode, HERE. If you’re not sold I’ll eat my left nut.

What’s not

That fucking Polar bear freezer pervert

We usually give a few different things that are not hot in these things, but there’s just the one this week.

One so mind numbingly cuntish that it deserves to be in the “not” bit all on its own.

Here are a few things I’d do if I found a talking stuffed polar bear in my freezer waiting to berate me for not buying over priced Birdseye products:

Calmly take him from the freezer and stick him head first into my preheated oven along with my Lidl fish fingers
Sell him on the Russian black market. A normal performing bear is one thing, but a talking polar bear with an apparent degree in nutrition? Gold.
Rip his fucking head off, turn the cunt inside out and use him for lining in the cat litter tray

A bit much?

I don’t think so.

It’s like the marketing department of Birdseye finally realising that a pedo boat captain isn’t selling us shit. Then they figure they can just tell us that because we copped on long ago that they sell us shite for the privilege of paying through the nose because of their high advertising budgets just like this and refuse to give them any more money that we’re cunts?

Get ta fuck and then get ta fuck again you horrible sound like a sex pest who’d have his hands down his pants while molesting a bag of frozen peas soon to be extinct thanks to me leaving the water running when I brush my teeth wank bag.

Get ta fuck all over again.

I need some more Jennifer Ellison to cheer me up again.

That’s better.

Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh

Olympic diving standards soccer shocker! - A solid 4.5 for that dive

Maxi — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 00:35:29 +0000

We've used this picture as an example of when lying down on the pitch is justified

So last night saw us beat Andorra in the first qualifying match for the next European championships.

Be honest, how many of you had even heard of Andorra before it was announced that we’d be playing them? I’m betting zero, unless you bought some questionable foreign beer that was fermented using goats anus or something.

See? There’s a probably incredibly racist comment. I don’t know that they even have goats there. Fuck it, they’ve barely got a population. Barely 85,000 souls roaming the streets and fields of that great nation.

A great nation that is 468km² and the official first language of which is Catalan, either though French (remember that), Spanish and Portuguese are also known to be spoken.

Not the great nation of Andora which situated in the western part of the Italian Riviera between Capo Mele in the east and Capo Mimosa in the west. This coastal area is called the Palms Riviera which is centred on Savona. To the west is the Riviera dei Fiore, which stretches from the French border to Cervo. Andora had a population of 6,767 in 2001 which swells to almost 10 times this in the summer months.

God bless Wikipedia.

Why am I going on about Andorra and the fact that we beat them last night and secured 6 points? Because it’s the easiest win we’ve had in recent history in any sport. Because as one of the Andorran players was coming on as part of a substitution, the commentator mentioned that he made his money as a gardener.

A gardener.

I’m betting the only other time that could be mentioned as part of a soccer match is between two local five a side teams on a Saturday morning. Accept the line “Well he would be a gardener if his boss hadn’t hung himself to escape bankruptcy, pity that” after it.

I know it's Ronaldo, but still

Although a five a side team would have put up a better fight against our team. The lads from Andorra seemed to be happy just to be out of the house for the night. It’s no secret that I know fuck all about soccer, so I won’t be offering any sort of play analysis. I could spot that Eamon Dunphy seems to have a hard on for someone called Andy Reid, whatever that’s about.

I’m one of those people who just watches the Ireland games when they’re on so that I know what other people are giving out about when we lose or get cheated by a FUCKING FRENCH MAN! It’s over. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

But the one thing I do notice as a casual soccer watcher is the amount of pansies and pussies in the game. I noticed it when we played Cyprus a few years back and those cunts spend more time on the grass than the white lines. Last night was no different.

Someone in a green jersey would run past them, not causing enough of a breeze to knock a tissue off of a wobbly house of cards and some cunt in a blue jersey would perform a dive that an Olympic swimmer would get a hard on over.

I posted this on the Facebook page last night and you probably saw it, but only one thing sprung to mind after the 5th or 6th unwarranted dive:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Get ta fuck. It didn’t stop either. And after the third goal from Robbie Keane, they just gave up and caused more delays than a disgruntled Ryanair employee. They’d dive, hold their knee (regardless of where they were hit or kicked or pulled from), get the stretchers out, limp for a bit and then run for the ball when the next chance of glory that presents itself.

At one point, a player had to be taken off because he lost a contact lens. I swear, next time he’ll be taken off for a broken nail or a stray tampon string.

But let’s not forget our own behaviour. It still rings around the world the embarrassing behaviour we, as a nation, undertook when we were knocked out of the world cup qualifiers. Marching on the French Embassy (all 300 of us), Facebook petitions and letters to the French President, all to get a chorus of brie stinched middle fingers raised in our direction. And rightly so.

They cheated, they weren’t caught and they got away with it. Whether or not it was intentional, is another thing.

Last night, the goal from Robbie Keane in the 54th minute came from a pass that was played off side. That’s right, I pay attention.

Check it, it’s quick, but it’s there.

Click here to view the embedded video.

And we’ll say it wasn’t intentional, but even if it was, the ref or linesmen never saw it, so we took the goal that arose from it. Are we going to give it back?

No.

It would have made fuck all difference anyway, but we would have stood behind Robbie and said that he wasn’t offside, regardless of all the video evidence shoved down our throats.

So when if Andorra don’t make it to the championships, will they look back on this as a time when they were cheated? Will they bitch and whine for a rematch? Will they’re citizens start racist Facebook campaigns? Will they get a half dozen people to march on the nearest Irish Embassy (Probably located over/in a pub)?

Most likely not. They’ll go back to realising that when a contact lens falls out, you get over it. When you fall over on GRASS, it’s not life threatening and after all, it’s just a fucking game.

All in all, I’ll bet there were tons of people in late bars until the early hours celebrating the win, and who will continue to do so when they call in sick to work this morning to nurse the hangover.

I don’t understand it though when the match was about as entertaining as watching someone else’s kids in a school sports day. Not that I do that anymore.

I don’t understand it when the lads could have put some welly into it and gone for another 2 goals at least, securing another few points and making it easier to go on.

Although maybe it was the fact that we finally beat a team in blue shirts, some of which may sound French*.

*I told you to remember that

Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh

Jennie, Aoife, Lisa and Sinead - Boob.ie Real Irish Boobs

Maxi — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 17:08:07 +0000

The last couple of weeks have seen some great shots sent to us in the form of Jenny and Hannah. Both girls pushed the boat and their boobs out for full on shoots of themselves. And if you look at the chart on the homepage of the most popular pages, you won’t be surprised to see both of them on top of the list.

But we don’t want you to think that we’re forgetting about the humble boob only shots. We understand that all girls have a naughty streak, but that some would rather keep the naughty streak a secret.

That’s fine with us, we’re just happy you shared your secret snaps with us.

This week is a mammoth Real Irish Boobs section containing four girls who understand that you just want to see what they’ve got and couldn’t really give two fucks about what they were up to or why they took the pictures.

It’s a no nonsense Boobie Tuesday!

Aoife, 26 from Straffan

More Aoife

Sinead, 24 from Terenure

More Sinead

Jennie, 19 from Slane

More Jennie

Even more Jennie!

Lisa, 22 from Sligo

More Lisa from Sligo!

God Bless Sligo!

And as always ladies, you can send your pics to us at the usual address inbox@boob.ie.

Or you can request your free Boob.ie tshirt to pose in!

And fellas, if you’ve got an adventurous lady in your life who you reckon the world would be a better place for knowing, you know what to do.

Sure it might cost you some jewellery, or a bottle of Buckfast (depending on your lady), but it’s a small price to pay.

Happy Boobie Tuesday!

Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh

Marge - Boob.ie Real Irish Women

Maxi — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 13:42:32 +0000

Now, I understand that when you see a girl called Marge popping up on Boobie Tuesday that some of you more seasoned boob aficionados will be hoping to see Homer’s fine ass wife grace these here pages.

Alas, Playboy and 20th Century Fox have bigger and scarier and more expensive legal people than we do, so we won’t feature those shots. Plus we’re lazy and all we can find is this one. And we’re pretty sure it didn’t come from Playboy.

So in the meantime, Celtic Glamour have sent us some shots of a sexy Irish girl who happens to share her name with the great yellow one.

We reckon it’s hard to have such a famous name. You’d have people always asking you where Homer was and such and such. Then when you’re featured in the greatest Irish website in the history of ever you’re immediately likened to her again.

Still, the fact that she’s real and not ink on plastic cells makes us think that we’d have more of a shot with her.

Not a real shot, but more luck than we’re having eyeing up nude unofficial pics of Mrs Simpson on the net.

As always, thanks to Celtic Glamour and or course Marge.

Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh

Tori Black - Girls of The Internet

Maxi — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 09:48:51 +0000

Tori Black is just hot, extremely…emmm…lickable??

She looks like she’s the perfect girl to bring home to meet the family, but you know she’s a straight up kinky bitch in the bedroom!

She entered the Porn Industry in 2007 and since then has appeared in over 200 films. I have yet to watch about five of those.

Date of Birth: August 26, 1988 (22 years old)
Awards:
Penthouse Pet of the Month December 2008
2010 AVN Award – Female Preformer of the Year.
2010 AVN Award – Best All-Girl Couples Sex Scene – Field of Schemes 5
2010 AVN Award – Best All-Girl Three-Way Sex Scene – The 8th Day
Eye Colour: Brown
Hair Colour: Brown
Height: 5ft 9″
Weight: 64kg – 141lbs
Measurements: 34B-27-37 (Real boobies too!)
Tattoos: Five-pointed star with interlocking rings on lower right abdomen.
Piercings: Tongue; navel

Check out her official website here, and you can also stalk follow her on Twitter here.

Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh

The ‘Tom Cruise’ Equation - Celebrity Mathematics

Brundlefly — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 18:36:35 +0000

Thanks to watching way too much internet TV I’ve started to notice a few similarities…

Who said Maths wasn't sexy? Everyone? Oh...ok, sorry.

Hollywood…I’m on to you!

Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh

The Men Commandments – 3 - How to be a man

Maxi — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 18:25:06 +0000

It seems that one, or even two instalments of this weren’t enough. Everyday we witness more and more men behaving in more and more unmanly ways.

I think it’s everyone’s civic duty to print these lists out and carry them around to happy slap the next silly cunt with. Together we can stop this behaviour

Thou shall have a bottle opener on a key chain

OI! Men's Health! Noooooooo!

Men’s Health reckon that a man should never carry one. But they have pictures of dudes on their covers, so we’ll take whatever they say with a dumpster full of salt and a double check that we still have our testicles.

What’s more manly than being ready to open a beer at every, EVERY opportunity that arises. Beer solves every problem in the world. Apart from alcoholism, but the jury is out on that one. The only thing that holds back the epicness of beer time is when we hear the words, “Anyone got an opener?”.

Of course the only thing manlier is to open the beer with a cigarette lighter, or your teeth.

Personally, I’ve trained my beard to open beer bottles, so I trump all you motherfuckers.

Thou shall christen thy self

Give yourself a nickname. What’s cooler than demanding that everyone calls you Buster McThunderstick? Or being one of those seasoned old dogs holding up the local bar with names like “Aul Flower” and “A little bit rapey John”.

Sure when you were a kid others would give you a nickname based on your looks or behaviour. Which would explain why I was called “gonna be a virgin till his late 20′s Maxi” and my best friend was called “doesn’t know he’s gay yet Martin”.

Now you can have complete control over what people call you. Unless you’re already known as a cunt. Then you’re pretty much fucked.

This lovely picture of Jessica Jane Clement's only purpose is to show Men's Health what they're doing wrong. Ok, so it serves more than that....

Thou shall lie to children

Children don’t know any better, they have dreams and bless them, they look up to adults. Lie to them and tell them that they can be whatever they want to be. A fireman, a wrestler, an actor or a rock star. Do it safe in the knowledge that Firemen don’t get paid, wrestlers get into lycra onesies and rub up against other men, actors are all waiters and most Irish rock stars end up doing cover versions in pubs in exchange for the slops from the drinks trays.

Then he’ll end up in an office wanting to staple his nuts to the desk just to see if he can still feel anything.

Circle of life and all that.

Thou shalt never tut and sigh

What are you? A bitch? If you’re in a queue that hasn’t moved and you can see no acceptable reason why it shouldn’t have moved by now, then be a man and do something. In raised, but non aggressive voice ask the cunts in charge of the queue what the cunting hold up is, or something. But standing there, shuffling from one foot to the other, sighing, tutting and looking at your watch makes it look like you have an appointment to get your vagina tightened and don’t want to miss it.

Man up. Next you’ll be giving out that your UGG boots are scuffed up and your back combed hair hasn’t got enough volume. And unless you’re giving Katy Perry a generous hoofing, you shouldn’t be complaining about any of that.

Thou shalt never own a small yappy dog

These are for hotel heiresses with no tits, a drug problem and a sex tape. They’re also for little old dears who take them to the post office and leave the poor little fucker tied up outside for the local delinquents to molest.

You’re a man, if you need or want a dog, get one with a rough sounding name like a Rottweiller, German Shepherd or Bigbollix. Then name it something like Bruno, King or Fuck me.

So when you’re out walking it and it gets off the leash you can do the thing of calling your dog like

“Heeeee-oooooooooorrrrrrrrrr Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuno!”

Or when a fuckwit burglar hops your wall it’ll be greeted by your manly pooch and shout “Fuck me!”. Then you can’t be done.

Legal fact.

Probably.

Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh

Sports Babe of the Week – Allison Baver - Melting the ice with hotness

The Muser — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 13:56:50 +0000

I’ve never sat down and watched short track skating mainly because I’ve never had any reason to but when you think about it, the women’s discipline is guaranteed to be full of fit bodies in tight fitting one pieces.

Untapped resource? Possibly so given the look of Allison Baver.

The 30 year old is a long time member of the US Winter Olympics team and was ranked as high as third in the world in 2005 and 2006.

At 11, Allison competed in the National Roller Skating Championships in Philadelphia, and in high school, she was a soccer player and cheerleader. `

She did not take up speedskating until her junior year of high school.

At the 2006 Winter Games in Turin she placed seventh in the 500 metre event and was part of the team which claimed bronze in the 3000 metre relay event at the 2010 Olympics in Vancouver.

In 2009 she suffered a bad leg fracture in a collision with teammate Katherine Reutter during a race in Bulgaria.

Not just a pretty face, she holds a bachelor’s degree in marketing and management from Penn State University and a MBA from the New York Institute of Technology.

Most importantly, according to her official website, she is single.

Form an orderly queue please.

Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh

The Factorship - Sebastiano's Sunday Supplement

Sebastiano — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 11:08:54 +0000

What’s going down amigo’s?

Had a couple of weeks off, was away doing stuff that wouldn’t interest even the most bored of loser, so I won’t go into it.

But I came back from where I was to find that the X Factor had come back to the telly. I, like all straight men, hate the X Factor. Apart from the auditions. However, unlike most straight men I hate football and all things Premiership. So this time of year when the football starts back to clog up my Saturday afternoon television and fill the pubs with yobs in jerseys while I try and enjoy a pint of the local, I weep for the future mon amis.

The X Factor is even better this year with the auditions filmed in front of a live studio audience just like Cheers was. It’s a pity that there are no buzzers for the judges to hit when it looks like it’s going tits up, but then again that’s where the epic epicness of epic failures and face palmage comes from.

It’s as if the producers of the X Factor sit outside the stage door of the Jeremy Kyle show and lure the biggest freaks into a van with the promise of a pasty and a can of Carling.

Take the first lot that took my eye as the missus took control of the remote and made me watch the mess.

“Hi, we’re Abby and Lisa”

“Hi, what’s the name of the band?”

“Abby and Lisa!”

Genius. They look like they were the inspiration for the Little Britain character.

Yur but no but yur but no but yur but no but…

Click here to view the embedded video.

I don’t care which team you support, that’s more entertaining than any highlights from men who haven’t seen a football in over 20 years saying things like “at the end of the day”.

Although I can bet just by looking at those two girls that it wasn’t the first time one of them was on the business end of the other one’s fist.

Moving on…

Of course I missed the whole Mary Byrne thing, but was well informed when I got back. Don’t know who Mary Byrne is? You may have heard that she’s the “Irish Susan Boyle”.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Now I’m all for saluting someone with actual talent, but so far the Irish reaction has been laughable.

Here’s a few comments from her videos on Youtube…

“Naomi Campbell was discovered on a till in Tesco’s and look where she ended up!! So here’s hoping Mary has treble the success cause she sure has a million times the talent. Mary you are fantastic, wonderful and surely the net big Diva to hit the music scene. Wishing you all the best xxxxxxx”

“Beautiful job, Mary! Keep going. You have a wonderful voice and a presence to go very far. I hope you win and go on to bless us with many albums! All the best from the USA.

She’s PERFECT for the next James Bond theme.”

And my personal favourite Irish praise from a person who isn’t even fucking Irish…

“Mary, you make all the Irish people very, very proud. I’m not Irish, but I’m really proud I live just around 10km from such a superstar:). All the best, you don’t need to win the competition, you already a winner and I’m sure your career has just started”

And of course one from the blind….

“Stunning+Inspiring woman.”

Like I said, I won’t knock anyone for getting up in front of that amount of people and singing, and singing well. I’m just never amazed at how Irish people claim credit for someone else, just by association of nationality.

I like her, she reminds me of my aunt and she’s just a normal and seems to be a decent soul. But I’m not about to gush over her and claim that Ireland is onto a winner.

Still, it’s better than watching football.

After all, if our Mary doesn’t make it through are we going to petition to have her as the 33rd team to take part?

Get ta fuck with your football, tune into the X Factor auditions for a better larf altogether.

Even if it does let fucktards out into the real world…

Fuck and Tard

Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh